Desires

Here's the thing about desires... they're not the enemy. I know, I know, every spiritual tradition seems to tell us to kill our desires, transcend them, rise above them. But honestly? That's missing the point entirely.

Look, I've been working with people for three decades, and here's what I've noticed: the folks who are most miserable aren't the ones with strong desires. They're the ones at war with their desires. Think about that for a second. The suffering isn't in the wanting itself. It's in the resistance to the wanting.

The Tao Te Ching says something beautiful: "The sage does not attempt anything very big, and thus achieves greatness." Right? It's not about having no desires. It's about not being owned by them. There's a massive difference between having a desire and being had by it.

I remember working with this client, Sarah. She was torturing herself because she wanted financial security, but her spiritual community kept telling her that material desires were "low vibration." She'd come to sessions feeling guilty for wanting a stable home, ashamed for dreaming of travel, convinced she was spiritually deficient because she couldn't just "be grateful for what she had."

Truth is, desires are information. They're your soul's way of showing you what wants to be expressed through you. But here's what's interesting... when you stop fighting them, when you actually listen to what they're really saying, something wild happens. The frantic energy around them dissolves.

Take that desire for financial security. When Sarah stopped judging it and started exploring it, she discovered it wasn't really about money at all. It was about feeling safe enough to be creative, to take risks, to contribute her gifts without fear. The desire was pointing toward something much deeper than a bank account balance.

This is where Advaita comes in beautifully. When you recognize that there's no separate self to satisfy, desires become like clouds passing through an open sky. They arise, they're noted, they pass. You don't have to grab them or push them away. You can let them inform you without letting them control you.

But here's where most people get confused. They think non-attachment means becoming a spiritual zombie, feeling nothing, wanting nothing. Seriously? That's not enlightenment, that's depression. The invitation isn't to become desire-less. It's to become free within your desires.

I've noticed something else in my years of practice: the desires that cause the most suffering are usually the ones we're not being honest about. We'll admit to wanting love, success, health... but we hide the desire to be seen, to matter, to belong. We spiritualize our wants instead of just owning them.

Here's what changed everything for me personally. I stopped asking "Is this desire spiritual enough?" and started asking "What is this desire really pointing toward?" Want recognition? Maybe it's pointing toward your need to contribute something meaningful. Want a relationship? Could be your heart calling you to practice vulnerability and connection.

The beautiful thing about desires is they're always evolving. As you grow, they transform. What you thought you wanted at twenty looks completely different at forty. Are you with me? That's not failure to achieve your dreams. That's wisdom recognizing that the dreamer has changed.

And sometimes, honestly, a desire is just a desire. You want good coffee. You want a comfortable bed. You want your favorite song to come on the radio. Not everything has to be a cosmic lesson. Sometimes the spiritual path includes enjoying being human.

The real freedom comes when you can hold your desires lightly. When you can pursue what calls you without making your happiness dependent on getting it. When you can want something deeply and simultaneously be okay if it doesn't happen. That's not giving up. That's growing up.

Wild, right? The very thing we think is keeping us from peace might actually be trying to lead us there.

Start by making friends with your desires instead of fighting them. Right now, grab a piece of paper and write down three things you want. Don't filter them through your spiritual beliefs or social conditioning. Just write what you actually want.

Now here's the interesting part. For each desire, ask yourself: "What would having this give me?" Keep asking until you get to the core feeling you're seeking. Want a bigger house? Maybe it's really about feeling spacious and free. Want a relationship? Could be about feeling loved and connected.

Once you've found the core feeling, notice where you might already have access to it. How can you feel spacious right now? Where do you already experience love? This isn't about talking yourself out of your desires, it's about recognizing that what you're really seeking might be more available than you think.

Try this throughout the week: when a desire arises, instead of immediately judging it as good or bad, spiritual or unspiritual, just notice it. Say "Hello, desire" like you're greeting an old friend. Get curious about what it wants to tell you. What's it pointing toward in your life that wants attention?

And here's something practical I do with clients: practice wanting without grasping. You can desire something fully while holding it lightly. Think of it like holding water in your cupped hands. You can appreciate it, enjoy it, but if you squeeze too tight, it slips through your fingers.

When this card shows up, your soul is asking you to examine your relationship with wanting itself. Are you at war with your desires, trying to transcend them before you've understood them? Or are you so identified with them that they're running your life?

This isn't a card telling you to want less or want more. It's inviting you to want consciously. To listen to what your desires are really saying about what wants to emerge in your life. Maybe you've been judging yourself for having "unspiritual" wants, or maybe you've been chasing things that aren't actually yours to chase.

Look at what you're currently desiring. What's the deeper invitation there? What part of you is asking to be expressed or experienced? This card often appears when it's time to stop making your desires wrong and start letting them guide you toward what's trying to be born through you.

Sometimes this card shows up when you need to release attachment to how your desires get fulfilled. You know what you want, but you're holding too tightly to the specific form it has to take. Trust that life might have a better way to give you what you're really seeking.