Avoidance

Avoidance is not just a petty habit or a fleeting weakness; it's a fundamental pattern of disengagement from reality that shapes our suffering. When you avoid something, you are basically attempting to push a piece of your life into the shadows, hoping that by not seeing it, it will cease to exist. But life, as the Tao Te Ching reminds us, is flow, "A river cuts through rock not because of its power but because of its persistence" (Tao Te Ching 78). Avoidance is the dam we build against the river, which ultimately only increases our struggle when the waters rise. It’s fierce to admit this: avoidance is resistance wrapped in the shiny armor of comfort and denial.

From the perspective of Advaita Vedanta, avoidance is a veil obscuring the self's true nature. The neti neti, "not this, not this", is a method to strip away false identifications. Yet when you avoid, you cling harder to those false selves: the scared child, the wounded person, the helpless victim. Instead of peeling away layers of illusion, avoidance thickens the fog, trapping you in a maze of shadows. The Bhagavad Gita tells Arjuna to face his duty and fear head-on, not run from it; fleeing from the battlefield only prolongs suffering and delay liberation.

In Buddhist teachings, avoidance manifests as either craving or aversion, both of which are roots of dukkha: suffering. The mind attempting to flee unpleasant experience is clinging to comfort and rejecting pain. The Buddha instructs us to meet reality directly with equanimity. When you avoid, you remain entangled in samsara, spinning the wheel instead of stepping off it. This entanglement is the essence of samsara's grinding wheel, where avoidance feeds the cycle rather than breaks it.

Consider a real-life example: a woman named Maya avoids conflict with her partner at all costs. Every hint of disagreement sends her retreating into silence and distraction, a dangerous habit of avoidance that ultimately starves their relationship of truth and presence. Over time, this avoidance breeds bitterness and loneliness, the very fears she was trying to escape. Facing conflict felt like walking into a burning house, but the door to freedom was on the other side of the fire. When Maya finally learned to stay with the discomfort and speak her truth, she discovered that conflict, when approached with care, is the soil in which intimacy grows. Avoidance was the weed choked underfoot, unchecked and destructive.

Fierceness is required to dissolve avoidance, but tenderness is the balm that reassures the self during that fierce facing. Avoidance thrives in the darkness of isolation and secrecy. Bringing light and voice to what we hide – stories of shame, fear, pain – disarms it. As Krishna Kalesh, I say: avoidance is the houseguest who never leaves, turning your home into a prison unless you stand up and say, ‘Enough.’

The Tao Te Ching teaches us:

"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everyone will respect you." (Chapter 8)

How do you embody the teaching of this card? Start by recognizing avoidance as a physical and emotional impulse in the moment, where is your body pulling back, your breath tightening, your mind darting away? Name the specific situation or feeling you are avoiding, not in a judgmental way, but as an honest witness.

Next, cultivate a small, manageable practice of "leaning in." If conflict is your avoided territory, ask yourself how you might bring a single courageous word or question into a relationship. If an emotion feels overwhelming, invite it to sit with you for five minutes without expectation or demand.

Ground this in the present moment by connecting to your breath, the anchor in the storm. Remember what the Gita guides: duty is action without attachment to outcome. Leaning into your edges means acting with sincerity, not forcing results or seeking quick fixes.

Finally, journal your experiences daily: note what avoidance looked like, what showed up as fear or discomfort, and what subtle shifts occur when you choose presence instead. Avoidance dissolves not with grand gestures but with steady, repeated commitment to facing your life soberly and sincerely.

When the Avoidance card appears in a reading, it shines a spotlight on the ways you are sidestepping crucial truths. This card does not sugarcoat the message: the cost of avoidance is high and clear. It’s time to bring what’s lurking in the shadows to light. This may involve owning a difficult emotion, addressing a long-ignored relationship rift, or confronting limitations you've been dodging.

This card implores you to release the illusion that ignoring a problem makes it smaller. Avoidance inflates fear, isolates you from connection, and stalls your growth. The card asks, “What are you running from? What freedom awaits when you stop?” The reading invites you to embrace fierce honesty with gentle self-compassion. It’s a call to dismantle the fortress of denial and stand in the openness that real freedom requires.