Aloneness

We are a culture that is terrified of being alone. We have been conditioned to see aloneness as a synonym for loneliness, a sign of failure, a state to be avoided at all costs. We fill every moment with noise, with distraction, with the company of others, so that we don’t have to face the vast, silent scene of our own being. But the great spiritual traditions teach us that there is a deep difference between loneliness and aloneness. Loneliness is the pain of being separate. Aloneness is the joy of being one. It is in the sacred sanctuary of aloneness that we can finally hear the whisper of our own soul, and the roar of the universe that echoes within it.

The Tao of Solitude

The Taoist sage is a master of aloneness. He seeks out the quiet places, the mountains and the forests, not because he is anti-social, but because he knows that it is in solitude that he can best commune with the Tao. In Chapter 15 of the Tao Te Ching, the ancient masters are described as “subtle, mysterious, deep, responsive. The depth of their knowledge is unfathomable.” This is a knowledge that is not found in books or in the company of others. It is a knowledge that arises from the deep, silent well of one’s own being. The sage is not lonely, because he is in constant communion with the ten thousand things. He has found his home in the heart of the Tao, and in that home, he is never alone.

“Silence is a source of great strength.” - Lao Tzu

This simple quote is a powerful reminder of the gift of aloneness. In the silence of our own company, we are no longer buffeted by the winds of other people’s opinions and expectations. We can rest in our own center, and from that place of stillness, we can access a strength that is unshakable.

Advaita Vedanta: The Flight of the Alone to the Alone

The mystic Plotinus, whose philosophy has much in common with Advaita Vedanta, described the spiritual journey as “the flight of the alone to the Alone.” This is a beautiful and deep description of the path of non-duality. The “alone” is the individual soul, the jiva, who feels separate and isolated. The “Alone” is the supreme Self, Brahman, the one without a second. The spiritual journey is the journey of the separate self returning to its source, of the wave realizing it is the ocean. From the perspective of Advaita Vedanta, you are, in your essential nature, eternally alone. You are the one, indivisible consciousness in which the entire universe appears and disappears. To realize this is to be free from the fear of loneliness forever. You are not a person who is alone. You are Aloneness itself.

A Real-Life Scenario: The Monk in the Cave

The tradition of the solitary retreat is a powerful testament to the spiritual power of aloneness. For centuries, men and women of all traditions have sought out caves, forests, and deserts to engage in intensive spiritual practice, far from the distractions of the world. I once read the story of a Tibetan monk who spent twenty years in a cave, meditating. When he finally emerged, he was asked what he had learned. He said, “I learned that there is nothing to learn. There is only to be.” His face was radiant, his eyes full of a deep, unshakable peace. He had not been lonely in his cave. He had been in communion with the very ground of being. He had discovered a joy that was not dependent on any external circumstance, a love that was not dependent on any other person. He had found the kingdom of heaven within himself.

The Dark Night of the Soul: The Aloneness Before the Dawn

The journey into aloneness is not always easy. There is often a period of transition, a “dark night of the soul,” in which we must face all the demons that we have been avoiding through our busyness and our social connections. As we strip away the distractions, we may be confronted with our deepest fears, our most painful wounds, our most deep sense of loneliness. This is a critical stage of the journey. It is the aloneness before the dawn. If we can stay with the discomfort, if we can meet our own inner darkness with compassion and courage, we will emerge on the other side into a new and deep experience of aloneness, an aloneness that is not empty, but full, an aloneness that is not a source of pain, but a source of infinite peace and joy.

How to Embody This Teaching

Embodying the teaching of aloneness is a practice of dating yourself. It’s about consciously carving out time to be in your own company, without any agenda other than to be present with yourself. Start small. Take yourself out for a cup of tea. Go for a walk in the park without your phone. Spend an evening at home with no TV, no internet, just you and your own thoughts and feelings. At first, it may feel uncomfortable. You may feel bored, restless, or lonely. That’s okay. Stay with it. Breathe through the discomfort. Get to know this person that is you. What do you love? What do you fear? What makes your heart sing? As you become more comfortable in your own company, you will begin to discover the incredible richness of your own inner world. You will find that you are a fascinating, and endlessly surprising, companion. You will fall in love with your own aloneness.

When This Card Appears

When the ‘Aloneness’ card appears in a reading, it is a call to retreat. It is a sign that you have been too focused on the outer world, and that you need to turn your attention inward. This is not a time for collaboration or for seeking the approval of others. It is a time for solitary contemplation, for deep listening, for communion with your own soul. This card may be a sign that you need to take a break from a relationship, a job, or a social scene that is draining your energy. It is an invitation to create a sacred space for yourself, a space where you can hear your own inner wisdom without the noise of the world. This is not a punishment, but a gift. In the sanctuary of your own aloneness, you will find the clarity, the strength, and the peace that you have been seeking.