Triggers

The Arrow of the Trigger

We all have them. Those tender places within us that, when touched, send us into a spiral of reactivity. A careless word, a particular tone of voice, a certain look – and suddenly we are no longer in control. We are a storm of anger, of fear, of shame. We call these tender places our "triggers," and we spend a good deal of our lives trying to avoid them. We build elaborate defense systems, we create carefully picked lives, all in an effort to keep our triggers from being pulled. But this is a fool's errand. The triggers are not the problem. The triggers are the arrows that point to the wound.

Triggers as Messengers

In many spiritual traditions, triggers are seen not as a curse, but as a blessing. They are messengers from the unconscious, bringing to our attention the places within us that are in need of healing. They are the cries of the wounded child within, the parts of ourselves that we have abandoned, that we have judged, that we have pushed into the shadows. When we are triggered, we are being given an opportunity to meet these wounded parts of ourselves with love, with compassion, with understanding.

The Tao of Triggers

In Taoism, there is the understanding that everything contains its opposite. The light contains the dark, the soft contains the hard, the smooth contains the rough. Our triggers are the rough places in our own being, the places where we are not in harmony with the Tao. They are the places where we are holding on, where we are resisting, where we are trying to control the uncontrollable. The Taoist sage does not try to get rid of his triggers. He learns to meet them with the soft, yielding power of water. He allows them to be there, without judgment, without resistance. And in that allowing, the triggers begin to lose their power.

A Real-Life Example

For many years, I was triggered by authority figures. Any time someone in a position of power would tell me what to do, I would feel a surge of anger and rebellion. I would become defiant, argumentative, and oppositional. It wasn't until I began to do my own inner work that I realized that this trigger was rooted in my childhood relationship with my father. He was a very authoritarian man, and I had spent my whole life fighting against his control. When I was able to see this connection, when I was able to meet the wounded child within me with love and compassion, the trigger began to lose its charge. I am still not a fan of being told what to do, but I am no longer a slave to my own reactivity.

How to Embody This Teaching

• The Practice of the Sacred Pause: The next time you are triggered, before you react, take a sacred pause. Take a few deep breaths and feel your feet on the ground. Create a space between the trigger and your response.
• The Practice of Self-Inquiry: Ask yourself, "What is the story that I am telling myself right now?" "What is the feeling underneath the story?" "Where have I felt this feeling before?"
• The Practice of Self-Compassion: Place your hand on your heart and offer yourself some words of kindness and compassion. You might say something like, "This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion that I need."

When This Card Appears

When the Triggers card appears in a reading, it is a sign that you are being called to a deeper level of self-awareness and self-healing. It may be a sign that you are ready to look at the unhealed wounds that are driving your reactive behavior. It can also be a sign that you are being called to a path of greater emotional maturity and freedom.