The Spiritual Asshole in the Mirror
The Telltale Signs of Spiritual Assholery
How do you know if you've crossed the line? It's simpler than you think. Do you find yourself correcting people's spiritual vocabulary? Do you use phrases like 'I'm just channeling' to avoid taking responsibility for your words? Do you talk about your 'trauma' as if it's a badge of honor, a currency in the oppression olympics? These are all red flags. In my work with clients, I see it all the time. People who have done just enough spiritual work to be dangerous. I know, I know.They've learned the language, but they've missed the point. The point is not to sound spiritual. The point is to be real. To be honest. To be kind. And if your spirituality is making you a less kind, less honest, more judgmental person, then it's not spirituality. It's just a new costume for your ego. You might also find insight in How Unforgiveness Blocks Your Intuition.
I keep palo santo in every room, it is one of my favorite tools for shifting energy. *(paid link)*
Rose quartz is the stone of unconditional love, keep one close when you are doing heart work. *(paid link)*
Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now remains one of the most important spiritual books of our t I remember sitting in a workshop in Denver, guiding a room full of people through a somatic release. My body was shaking, tears streaming, and my mind screamed for control. But I didn’t stop the shaking or quiet the tears. That surrender was a brutal mirror. I realized then how often I’d hidden behind spiritual language to avoid feeling raw, exposed nervous system firing on all cylinders. I’ve done over ten thousand readings, and the toughest moments were always when I had to tell a client the truth they didn’t want to hear. Once, a woman sat across from me, so rocked by her own story she clutched the chair edges. I didn’t soften the words. I didn’t dress it up. Just told her straight: you’re hiding behind your spirituality to avoid this pain. That brutal honesty opened a crack for real healing. It’s the only way through.ime. *(paid link)* Look, I get why some people roll their eyes at this statement ~ the guy's everywhere, his quotes are on every Instagram wellness account, and half the people quoting him probably skimmed the first chapter. But strip away the spiritual marketplace bullshit for a minute. The core insight hits different when you actually sit with it: most of our suffering comes from living anywhere except right here, right now. That's not fluffy new-age nonsense. That's just true. I've watched people tear themselves apart replaying conversations from three years ago or catastrophizing about shit that hasn't even happened yet. Meanwhile, the moment they're actually in? They miss it completely. Tolle figured out something most of us spend decades avoiding ~ that this moment, boring as it might seem, is literally all we've got. And when you stop running from it, something shifts. Not in some cosmic way. Just... real.
Pema Chodron's When Things Fall Apart is the book I give to anyone going through a dark night. *(paid link)* I've handed out maybe a dozen copies over the years. Every time someone's life is genuinely falling to pieces ~ not just having a bad week, but when the foundation cracks ~ this is what I put in their hands. Pema doesn't bullshit you with positive thinking or "everything happens for a reason" garbage. She sits with you in the rubble and shows you how to breathe there. Know what I mean? That's rare as hell in spiritual writing.
The Ego's Love Affair with Spiritual Bypassing
The ego is a cunning beast. It will take any tool, any concept, any practice, and twist it to its own ends. And spiritual bypassing is its favorite toy. Why feel the messy, painful, confusing reality of a situation when you can just slap a spiritual platitude on it and call it a day? 'It's all an illusion.' 'He's just my mirror.' 'I'm manifesting a new reality.' These are all ways of avoiding the raw, visceral, embodied experience of being a human being. The ego loves this stuff because it allows it to stay in control. It allows it to feel superior, enlightened, above it all. But it's a lie. A beautiful, seductive, spiritually-sanctioned lie. And it will keep you stuck in your own bullshit forever. Explore more in our consciousness guide.
The Dark Night of the Soul: The Only Cure
If you're lucky, you'll have a dark night of the soul. A period of time when all your spiritual concepts, all your beliefs, all your carefully constructed identities, are ripped away from you. It's a brutal, terrifying, and absolutely necessary process. It's the universe's way of calling your bluff. It's the moment when you realize that all your spiritual knowledge is worthless in the face of real suffering. And in that moment of absolute brokenness, you have a choice. You can either double down on the bullshit, or you can surrender. You can let go of everything you thought you knew and just be with the pain, the confusion, the not-knowing. This is the beginning of real spirituality. It's the moment you stop being a spiritual asshole and start being a human being. Paul explores this deeply in The Electric Rose.
The Weaponization of Vulnerability
There's a new strain of spiritual assholery making the rounds: the weaponization of vulnerability. It looks like someone sharing their 'trauma story' in a way that manipulates the room, making it impossible to challenge their behavior. It sounds like, 'I can't handle that right now, I'm in a trauma response,' used as a get-out-of-jail-free card for accountability. In my work, I see this constantly. People use the language of therapy and healing not to heal, but to build a more sophisticated fortress for their ego. They perform their wounds. Real vulnerability is terrifying. Are you with me?It doesn't announce itself. It's the quiet, shaky admission of 'I was wrong' or 'I need help.' It doesn't demand applause or special treatment. If your 'vulnerability' makes you immune to criticism, it's not vulnerability. It's a power play disguised in the language of the victim. It's the spiritual asshole wearing a new costume. You might also find insight in The Physics of Prayer - How Intentional Consciousness Int....
From Self-Awareness to Self-Honesty
Many people on the spiritual path are incredibly self-aware. They can name their patterns, their attachment style, their core wounds. They have a Ph.D. in their own bullshit. But self-awareness without self-honesty is just a more detailed form of self-deception. Self-honesty is the brutal, non-negotiable commitment to seeing the truth of your actions, not just your intentions. It's admitting that even though you know you have a fear of abandonment, you still acted in a way that was manipulative. It's seeing that your 'righteous anger' was really just a tantrum because you didn't get your way. For over 35 years, I've seen that the biggest obstacle to growth isn't the ego itself, but the refusal to be honest about how it's operating *right now*. The spiritual asshole is an expert at self-awareness. The true seeker is a student of self-honesty. If this lands, consider an working with Paul directly.