People think forgiveness is about saying, “I forgive you.” It’s not. That’s spiritual bypassing. That’s a mental construct that has nothing to do with the deep, cellular work of releasing stored trauma. True forgiveness is not an act of the mind; it’s an act of the body. It’s about feeling the rage, the grief, the betrayal, all the way through, without judgment, without story, until it moves through you and out of you. It’s about allowing the energy that has been frozen in your system to thaw, to melt, to flow. You don’t forgive because it’s the ‘spiritual’ thing to do. You forgive because you are tired of carrying the weight of the past. You forgive because you want to be free.
Rose quartz is the stone of unconditional love, keep one close when you are doing heart work. *(paid link)*
I work with clients who have been trying to forgive someone for years, with no success. They’ve done the affirmations, they’ve written the letters, they’ve done the rituals. But they still feel the anger, the resentment, the pain. That’s because they’ve been trying to solve a somatic problem with a cognitive solution. The body keeps the score. I know, I know.The trauma is stored in the tissues, in the nervous system, in the cells. The only way to release it is through the body. Through breathwork, through movement, through sound, through tears. This is where it gets interesting.It’s not pretty. It’s not polite. It’s a messy, primal, and deeply healing process. But it’s the only thing that works.
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For years, I carried a ghost. It was the ghost of a business partner who had betrayed me, leaving me in financial ruin and public humiliation. The rage I felt was a living thing, a toxic fire in my belly that colored every interaction, every decision. My intuition, which had once been a clear and guiding force in my life, became a muffled whisper, drowned out by the constant, screaming monologue of my resentment. I'd try to meditate, and his face would appear. I'd pull a tarot card, and the Tower would mock me. I was blocked, utterly and completely. The turning point came not in a flash of spiritual insight, but in a moment of sheer exhaustion. I was tired. Tired of the anger, tired of the bitterness, tired of the story I kept telling myself about my victimhood. I realized that my unforgiveness wasn't a weapon I was wielding against him; it was a cage I had built for myself. The process of forgiveness was not about condoning his actions. It was about reclaiming my own energy. It was a slow, painful excavation of my own stored trauma, my own feelings of powerlessness. It was about grieving the loss, not just of the money, but of the trust, the friendship, the future I had envisioned. As I began to release the compressed rage, piece by painful piece, the static on my intuitive channel began to clear. The whispers of guidance returned, tentative at first, then stronger, clearer. I had to forgive him to hear myself again.
If you want to understand how trauma lives in the body, The Body Keeps the Score will change everything. *(paid link)*
If you're struggling with unforgiveness, here is a simple but powerful ritual you can perform. Find a quiet space where you won't be disturbed. Close your eyes and take several deep breaths, allowing your body to relax. Now, bring to mind the person or situation you are ready to release. Visualize them standing before you. Don't shy away from the feelings that arise; allow them to be present without judgment. Now, imagine a thick, heavy cord of energy connecting your solar plexus to theirs. This cord represents the energetic tie of your unforgiveness, the karmic entanglement that binds you together. See the color of the cord, feel its weight, its texture. Acknowledge that this cord has served its purpose, but it is now time to let it go. When you are ready, visualize a pair of golden scissors in your hand. These scissors are infused with the power of your intention to be free. Take a deep breath, and with a firm and decisive movement, cut the cord. As the cord is severed, you may feel a release of energy, a sense of lightness, or a wave of emotion. Breathe through it. Now, watch as the severed ends of the cord retract back into you and the other person, taking with them any remaining energetic residue. Thank the other person for the lessons they have taught you, however painful, and release them with love. This is not about them. about you, reclaiming your power and clearing the channel to your own inner wisdom.