Throning - Why Date For Love When You Can Date For Achievement? You know these types of people - maybe you’re one of them. And if you are, there’s no need to be embarrassed - it’s just time to make a change. Let’s get into throning - the fascinating trend where people date only those who can advance their lives. My Mask Loves Your Mask Dating isn’t always about love. Sometimes it’s about desperation - where we rush into the arms of strangers simply to avoid looking within or loving ourselves. And much of the time, dating is a costume party where everyone wears the mask of someone they think they’re supposed to be. Somehow, by some miracle, false personas get along - though, only for a short time. Our masks require quite a bit of effort to create and keep up. And in the crazy masquerade of modern courtship, some folks aren’t looking for connection - they’re hunting for position, attainment, a kingdom - a crown. They want to feel like they matter - like they’re relevant in ways that deliver approval. They want to seem like they’ve arrived somewhere special. Instead of choosing love, they choose use, cunning, and control. They don’t court, they outwit. It’s sad and disgusting. If You’re Cool, I’m Cool It might be that you’ve dated others because being next to them made you look cooler, hotter, more accomplished, more validated - more relevant. But it might also be that you never loved them - not fully - not an enduring love. But damn, it felt good to stand next to them at parties and know your inner teenager was finally accepted by the cool kids. Your stock went up - and, for a time - you felt your life was going to be okay. That’s throning. It’s not built on intimacy - it’s built with ambition and strategy. It’s where you replace your heart with perfume and games - even manipulation. I mean, whether you’re a man or woman, once you decide to swim in the shallow pool and be a complete whore to your delusion - the tactics might as well be hideous, right? My Ego Loves Your Ego This dance is nothing but a pair of egos wearing thin, pretty badges and calling their union love. It’s the pursuit of elevation through association - not the intentional and virtuous path to soul-connection and compassion. If you’re into throning, you evaluate your date by how they might dramatically improve your life and how others see you. You don’t seek to build a reciprocal relationship - you push to break through a block inside yourself. You engage someone else’s life as agency - the gondola to temporary inner self-approval. We don’t always date who we love - sometimes we date who we wish we could become - or who we could easily command toward our upliftment. And when the shine wears off - when they stop reflecting your fantasy and start revealing the aspects that are not fully grown - ya know, your shortcomings - the crash can be severe and ugly. Because deep down, and you know this - you skipped steps. Maybe multiple escalators of steps. Maybe a fucking mountain of steps - the ones that most human beings enjoy traversing. Ah, the joy of pretty pictures! You tried to outsource your worth to a shiny object. And now, here you are - ego-torn and disoriented - still needing to do the real work. Damn it! If only you didn’t pick your nose at that cocktail party, he might still love you! Well tiger, let’s get into it! Dating as a Power Game Well, the big challenge out there is that modern dating is ruthlessly strategic and egoic - not intimate - evoking a sense of loneliness, defeatism, skepticism, and hesitancy. In today’s dating world, people play chess with their hearts - as if living in 14th century China - where strategy games were the primary tools used to lift your life. Back then, coupling happened through political associations, ungodly favors, strategic gifts, cunning negotiations, and careful pre-planning from an early age. Young folks from ages 10 to 30 followed a very specific plan to improve their lives and that of their families. It wasn’t a soulless pursuit back then, because sometimes it meant the difference between having food on the table - and dying. What Is Throning? Throning is dating someone who, via association, increases your reputation and improves your self-esteem (how you feel about yourself) for a short time. It can also temporarily improve your self-worth - what you believe your value to be in the world and to others. Many would say that amid throning, your ego feels fulfilled - as it enshrines itself above and beyond the previously perceived mediocre version of you. People choose throning versus sincere exploration because they have a desire to be in a specific financial and social situation. They crave position more than love. And they’ll likely do everything required, including forsaking who they truly are, to find what they seek. Ego by Proxy Throning is ego by proxy - a sneaky little tactic where you hand your growth over to someone shinier than you. In the back of your mind, however retarded it might be, you’re thinking - “Gosh, if they’re pretty, I’m pretty. If they’re popular, I’m popular! Oh my gosh, I’m the best now!” Throning is not about love, connection, or evolution - it’s about hoping someone else’s magnificence will rub off on you just enough to make your reflection at least mildly fantastic. You don’t want to do the inner exploration or traditional climb to success - you want to borrow someone who already did all that shit. And for a moment, it works. You feel bigger, better, more important. But it’s not real - it’s just a projection of a successful ghost onto a stranger. Once you buy into throning and create romance from it, it’ll take the two of you years and years to actually come to know and accept each other for who you are. And in that process, you’ll hate each other and break up. That’s pretty much how denial works. At its core, throning is about outsourcing your value - your ability to expand - letting someone else’s presence validate and energize your potential. But validation isn’t transformation. That’s the trap - and proximity NUH-HEVER equals progress. At best, being near someone successful in some way should be an inspiration. You might think being chosen means you’re healed - or that life will dramatically improve going forward. But eventually, the play enters its third act, the scaffolding falls, and the heroine is proven duplicitous. You’re left with the same ache, the same fear, the same dread - and the same unclaimed inner power. It’s just that NOW, you’re wrapped in the embarrassment of having tried to shortcut your own evolution. You feel cheap, dishonest, and ashamed. Luckily, bottoms of barrels often inspire inner expansion and the pursuit of light. The Crash That Follows the High We can all become drunk on someone else’s energy. Projecting what we desire onto them can make us giddy with excitement. Yes, this reduces our authenticity, gives us an ego hangover, and turns us to a shameless monkey, but gosh, how fun! Throning is NOT a way to improve yourself. It’s only a way to improve how you temporarily see yourself. Eventually - and often through quite a bit of post-throning drama - you’ll need to do all of the deep inner work required to uplevel yourself... and you’ll end up doing it alone. PLUS you’ll have to do all the unwinding of the illusions you consumed related to your throning intentions, desires, actions, and experiences. The Cost of the Crown Many people are somewhat addicted to throning. They can’t shake their greed and selfishness enough to simply become a person with an open heart. They’ve been trained in fear to the point of having lost access to their integrity and the keys to their self-ownership. Overall, throning involves a lovely and temporary high - amid a period where you feel above others - like you’ve finally arrived. What follows is a state of shock, disillusionment, and depression. I promise you, your DE-throning will be exhausting. Discernment IS NOT Throning When you go on a date, ask yourself, “What’s my motive?” Motive speaks of intention and points to your actions. Therefore, your motive will determine outcome and the level to which you’ll experience your authentic self and the other person’s authentic self. With the right motive, you can heal. With the wrong motive, you’ll dishonor all the emotional work you’ve done to date. But, hey, THRONE, MY FRIEND, THRONE - if you want to prioritize surface appearance and pretention. And what will happen if you throne? As you imagine a wonderful outcome, you’ll be shocked by the reality of your pursuit. The results of your escapade will pale in comparison to to owning yourself and growing your own self-esteem and self-worth. The height of the perch and position you create in throning will equal the distance you’ll need to journey to regain your dignity. This doesn’t mean that choosing your lovers and partners carefully is incorrect. It just means that if your priority is a throne, you’re probably not on a spiritual path drenched in light and love. More likely, you seek to be validated by the external world - a silly illusion created by minds to limit, confine, and confuse you. You, my dear, are unlimited in every direction. Nothing is holding you back from exploring yourself deeply and expanding your life in ways that are truly fulfilling. Unthrone your perspective and your life will become simple, beautiful, and divine.