Happy (Irrelevant) Birthday to You, and You, and Yes, Even You, Rocks!

Happy (Irrelevant) Birthday to You, and You, and Yes, Even You, Rocks! Birthdays: a day to celebrate the annual orbit completion of the rock we live on around the slightly larger, incandescent rock i...

Happy (Irrelevant) Birthday to You, and You, and Yes, Even You, Rocks! Birthdays: a day to celebrate the annual orbit completion of the rock we live on around the slightly larger, incandescent rock it’s attracted to.

That’s right, every year we gather, sing off-key, and shove cake in our faces to commemorate...

what exactly? The mere passage of time? The relentless march towards our inevitable demise? Let's dissect the wonderfully absurd tradition of birthday celebrations and perhaps expand our party list to some truly deserving attendees.

First off, the classic “Happy Birthday” greeting.