I recently negotiated a contract with a frightfully dishonest person and earned the rights to intellectual property that I would not otherwise have been able to acquire. I didn’t earn it through rational exploration and mediation. How did I do it? I gave him hell, which he rightfully deserved.
What tipped the scales wasn't my intuition or creative style. It wasn't my research and declaration of facts. It was my unabashed, unfiltered judgment and anger that did the trick. Think about that. The very thing I'd been taught to suppress ~ my raw reaction ~ became the lever that moved everything. I'd spent years learning to be diplomatic, to find win-win solutions, to speak in measured tones. But when I finally said "This is bullshit and you know it," the whole dynamic shifted. The other side stopped their games. They got real fast. What did I learn? To become whole in a transaction, you might have to blow the doors off. Sometimes being authentic means being uncomfortable. For them and for you.
This doesn't mean that using anger to negotiate every deal is effective. In fact, it's only effective in deals where you have a slippery adversary who has become way too comfortable with taking you for granted. You know the type - they string you along, make promises they don't keep, act like your time means nothing. In these cases, the anger becomes the element of surprise and the embodiment of the other person's missing integrity. Think about that. Your controlled anger literally becomes a mirror reflecting back their own bullshit behavior. They've been coasting on your patience, assuming you'll just roll over forever. Wrong. When you finally show some teeth, it forces them to reckon with the fact that they've been treating you like a pushover. Are you with me? The anger isn't random emotion - it's strategic accountability.
Most of us don't often know what we can ask for in a negotiation. We are all so needy that we'll accept just about any outcome, as long as we get a small piece of what we originally wanted. Here's the brutal truth: we negotiate from a place of scarcity because we're terrified of walking away empty-handed. Think about that. We'd rather get scraps than risk getting nothing at all. But this mindset is exactly what kills our use before we even sit down at the table. When you're desperate for any deal, you telegraph weakness. The other party smells it immediately. They know you'll cave, so why would they offer you anything close to what you actually deserve? Know what I mean?
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Our pursuits and demands don’t have to stop at mediocrity.
If you can be honest with yourself and stop placating or seeking to appeal to others, you'll become aware of just how demanding and critical you really are. Seriously. Most of us spend so much energy smoothing over our actual opinions, watering down our real standards, that we forget what we actually think about things. But when you strip away that people-pleasing bullshit? You discover you've got strong opinions about quality, about effort, about what's acceptable and what's not. You might realize you're actually pretty fucking picky about how things should be done. And that's not a character flaw ~ that's useful data about who you are and what you value.
We all love to play the peaceful pussy cat, resting quietly on the couch, but deep down every one of us is a tiger. We lose in negotiations because we're lazy and we've shellacked ourselves with slimy, dirty, oppressive, contrived political correctness. We don't even know what we deserve anymore. Seriously. We've been trained to be nice instead of real, to smile instead of stand our ground, to apologize for existing instead of claiming our space. Think about that. When's the last time you walked into a room and actually believed you belonged there? When's the last time you asked for what you wanted without that sick feeling in your stomach that you were being "too much"? This isn't about being an asshole ~ it's about remembering you have claws and knowing when to use them.
When working with the brilliant luminary Fred Silverman, the only man to have run all three major TV networks, I witnessed such unabashed critique and unapologetic creativity, that it inspired me to the highest degree. There was never a sheepish request when a contracted promise wasn't delivered. There was never a sweet, easy request when someone was clearly stepping out of bounds. This is where it gets interesting. There was no room for mediocrity or imperfection. Fred didn't hide behind politeness when shit wasn't working. He didn't soften his words to protect feelings when millions of dollars were on the line. Think about that. This guy had seen every kind of executive, every type of talent, every flavor of bullshit that Hollywood could serve up. And his response? Pure, unfiltered honesty delivered without apology. He'd look someone straight in the eye and tell them their work sucked ~ not because he enjoyed being harsh, but because anything less than excellence was a waste of everyone's time. That's what real leadership looks like when the stakes matter.
Fred wasn't being a jerk, he was being honest. He knew everybody has excuses and that excuses are often imagined.
Every one of us knows when we're being lazy or f*cking-up. We all know when we're delivering something that's not up to snuff and when we're lying to ourselves. That inner voice doesn't shut up, does it? It's sitting there in the back of your head going "Yeah, you could have prepared better for this meeting" or "You know damn well you're overselling this feature." The thing is, that voice ~ it's not your enemy. It's actually your secret weapon in negotiations because it keeps you grounded in reality while everyone else is busy performing their little theater shows. Think about that. When you're sitting across from someone who's clearly bullshitting about their timeline or budget constraints, your inner truth-detector is going off like a smoke alarm. But here's where it gets interesting ~ that same detector works on yourself. It stops you from making promises you can't keep or claiming expertise you don't have. Are you with me? Most negotiators lose credibility because they get caught up in their own performance, but when you stay honest with yourself first, you naturally become more trustworthy to others. It's like having a built-in authenticity filter.
Fred was flawless when he was directing creativity. With one glance, he could see 20 imperfections. He didn't miss a thing, and that's because he trained himself to encourage excellence in others and himself. But here's what made Fred different ~ he wasn't being a perfectionist asshole about it. He saw those flaws because he genuinely wanted the work to be better, not because he needed to feel superior. Think about that. There's a massive difference between demanding excellence and being a control freak who gets off on finding fault. Fred's eye was trained through years of caring deeply about craft, about pushing people to discover what they were actually capable of when they stopped settling for mediocre shit. This is virtue and it's almost non-existent today. Most people either don't give a damn about quality or they're so afraid of hurting feelings that they accept garbage. Explore more in our spiritual awakening guide.
Whether it's a creative project where you're worried about hurting your contractor's feelings, or a contract negotiation where you don't want to appear ungrateful, it's our co-dependent patterns that get us into the most trouble. And yes, it's trouble. Real trouble. Because here's what happens: you start managing other people's emotions instead of protecting your own interests. You worry more about their comfort than your bottom line. Think about that. You're literally paying money ~ sometimes lots of money ~ to avoid five minutes of awkward conversation. I've watched friends sign contracts that made them sick to their stomachs because they couldn't bear to ask for what they actually needed. They'd rather get screwed than risk someone thinking they're "difficult." But here's the brutal truth: the person on the other side of that negotiation? They're not losing sleep over your feelings.
Whenever we undervalue ourselves during negotiations and agree to products, deliverables, compensation, or consideration that are far less valuable than what we offered in exchange, we undo the learning we've accumulated over countless lives and we deny centuries of human evolution. Think about that for a second. You're literally working against your own genetic code when you accept bullshit terms. Your ancestors fought wars, built civilizations, and survived famines so you could stand here today and... what? Accept 60% of what you're worth because you're scared of conflict? That's not humility, that's self-sabotage. Every time you say yes to a lowball offer, you're teaching the universe that your value is negotiable. And once that lesson gets learned, good fucking luck trying to unlearn it.
Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now remains one of the most important spiritual books of our time. *(paid link)* Look, I've read a lot of spiritual shit over the years, and most of it is recycled fluff designed to make you feel good about being stuck. But Tolle? He cuts through the bullshit. The guy gives you actual tools to stop living in your head ~ to get present ~ and that changes everything when you're sitting across from someone trying to squeeze every dollar out of you. Think about that. When you're truly here, not rehearsing your next clever comeback or worrying about getting screwed, you become unshakeable. Seriously.
Is it really preferable to be mediocre so you can avoid conflict? Is it more enjoyable to look back on something you created and secretly remember how you didn't do it justice? Is it better to avoid sticky conversations and live with regret rather than buck-up and get into an uncomfortable dialogue? The answer to these questions is "No", yet we do it anyway. We choose the safe path. We settle for "good enough" because pushing for what we actually want feels too risky, too confrontational. But here's the thing ~ that discomfort you're avoiding? It's temporary. That regret from not speaking up? That shit follows you around for years. I've watched people build entire careers on half-measures because they were afraid to have one tough conversation. Think about that. You'll spend decades living with the consequences of avoiding thirty minutes of awkwardness.
If you've got a big heart, you're probably not very critical or demanding. When things get difficult, you might also find it easy to give-in and let go, rather than fight for the truth of the situation or exchange. Here's what I've noticed: people with genuine compassion often think being tough means being an asshole. Not true. You can care deeply about someone and still hold firm boundaries. You can love the person sitting across from you and refuse to accept their bullshit offer. The problem is we've been conditioned to believe that kindness equals weakness. But real strength? It's staying connected to your heart while protecting what matters to you. Paul explores this deeply in The Electric Rose.
When is the last time you were completely honest with a partner in the co-creation of a dream? When and where have you been raw, straight forward, direct, no bullsh*t? How many of your responses and reactions come from your inner-new-age idiot rather than your intuition or gut? Look, I'm talking about those moments when you're sitting across from someone trying to build something real together, and instead of saying what needs to be said, you dance around it with nice words and spiritual bypassing. You know the drill - "Well, I'm just going to trust the universe on this one" when what you really mean is "I'm scared to ask for what I want." That's not enlightenment. That's cowardice dressed up in yoga pants. Your gut knows the difference between authentic spiritual wisdom and the crap you tell yourself to avoid difficult conversations. The question is: are you listening to it?
Years ago, I sat with a client drowning in rage over a betrayal that had left him shattered. We didn’t just talk it out. No. I guided him through shaking his body raw until the anger turned from a beast into a tool. That release opened a space for clarity, and not the airy kind — real, gritty clarity that made the next steps possible. I remember a dark night of the soul when my own ego was crumbling under the weight of relentless self-inquiry. Sitting in silence during Amma’s darshan, I felt the tension in my chest like a vise. Breath work, slow and deliberate, loosened that grip. What remained wasn’t peace at first, but a fierce kind of presence that refused to back down or be fooled by easy answers.We’re all guilty of this insanity.
In order to function in our pretty, buttoned-up, politically contrived circles, we put ourselves on shelves. We've bottled up our authenticity. We're half, if not, a quarter of what we intended to be. Think about that. You walk into a conference room and immediately start editing yourself ~ dimming your intensity, softening your edges, speaking in corporate code instead of saying what you actually mean. We've trained ourselves to be palatable versions of who we really are. And then we wonder why negotiations feel so fucking exhausting. It's because you're not even showing up as you. You're showing up as some sanitized, focus-grouped version that you think will play better in the room. But here's what's wild: that watered-down you? That's not who closes deals.
Snap out of the dream and come alive again. Just beneath your society-pleasing mask is a technicolor spirit raging with power and light. She's been waiting there, patient but restless, while you've been playing it safe and small. Think about that. All those times you nodded along when you wanted to speak up, all those moments you dimmed yourself to make others comfortable ~ that wild energy was building pressure, demanding release. Let her out, let her live, and watch her thrive. Because when you finally stop performing "nice" and start being real, people don't just respect you more. They actually trust you.
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Much of what happens in the new-age scene is numbed, quelled, passive, and indirect. That's because the new-age movement is broken. Seriously broken. It's become this weird spiritual bypassing club where everyone's afraid to say what they actually think or feel. You walk into these circles and it's all whispered "I'm in my truth" bullshit while people stuff down their real emotions. Know what I mean? The whole thing has turned into emotional kindergarten... where grown adults speak in therapy-speak instead of just being fucking honest. We've taken ancient wisdom traditions that were actually fierce and turned them into participation trophy spirituality. No wonder people can't negotiate worth a damn ~ they've been trained to avoid conflict at all costs.
Even when we seek eternal truths from local ashrams, temples, and yoga studios, we find that the eternal truths we're seeking have been watered down so they might appeal to the masses. The bite, the teeth, and the truth have evaporated. What you get instead is spiritual baby food ~ sanitized wisdom that won't offend anyone or challenge them too hard. The raw edges get sanded off. The uncomfortable parts that make you squirm? Gone. Think about that. We're looking for something real, something that cuts through the bullshit of daily life, but what we find is truth served with a smile and a money-back guarantee if you're not completely satisfied.
We've forsaken ourselves, more specifically, we've given up on our honest natures. Instead of being authentic, we are repressing our healthy, gut, knee-jerk reactions. And here's the thing ~ when you constantly override those instincts, your body keeps score. You get tension headaches. Your shoulders turn into concrete blocks. Sleep goes to shit. Being inauthentic has serious physical implications and emotional side-effects. Think about that last time you smiled through gritted teeth at someone you couldn't stand, or said "sure, no problem" when everything in you screamed hell no. Your nervous system doesn't care that you're being polite. It just knows you're lying.
After all, if we're being honest and true to every moment, it's not always white light and roses, is it? Sometimes the authentic response is to push back hard. Sometimes it's to walk away. If we're paying attention to all the gurus out there, isn't it about accepting what is happening, rather than avoiding it? That includes accepting when someone's trying to screw you over in a deal. Isn't it about the light and the dark? The sweet moments and the ones that make you want to flip a table? Think about that. Real authenticity means showing up fully when things get messy, when the stakes are high, when your back's against the wall. Isn't it all ONE? The part of you that loves deeply and the part that fights fiercely when it matters.
Life and living are comprised of white light, charcoal, and fire, all embedded in a stew of emotions, reactions, and projections. Living and creating are messy businesses. There's no clean formula here. No step-by-step guide that actually works when the shit hits the fan and someone's pushing back hard against what you want. You're dealing with raw human psychology ~ yours and theirs ~ and that means everything gets complicated fast. Think about that. One moment you're crystal clear about your position, the next you're second-guessing yourself because they threw you a curveball or made you feel guilty. The mess isn't a bug in the system, it's the feature. It's where the real work happens.
A weighted blanket can feel like a hug from the universe, especially on nights when the mind will not stop. Seriously. There's something about that gentle, even pressure that tells your nervous system to chill the hell out. Your brain might still be spinning with tomorrow's meeting or last week's screw-up, but your body gets the memo: time to let go. I've noticed it works best when you stop fighting it. Don't try to make it happen. Just let that weight settle into your bones like gravity finally remembered how to do its job right. Think about that. Your shoulders drop. Your jaw unclenches. Even your thoughts slow down a bit, like they're moving through honey instead of racing through your skull. It's not magic, but it's close enough. Sometimes the simplest things hit hardest. *(paid link)*
How do we get back on our authentic feet during negotiations? How do we become more congruent with the totality of all of our moving parts? Look, this isn't about putting on some fake tough-guy act or turning into a pushover who says yes to everything. How do we integrate the yes, the no, and everything in-between so that we're not afraid of any of it? Because here's the thing ~ most people negotiate from fear. Fear of conflict. Fear of losing the deal. Fear of being seen as difficult. But when you're operating from that scared place, you're not really you anymore. You're some watered-down version trying to please everyone. How do we shake off society's projections and limitations and rise above and beyond it? Think about that for a second. We've been conditioned to believe that being "nice" means never pushing back, never asking for what we actually want. Bullshit. Real authenticity means showing up as all of yourself ~ including the parts that know what they're worth and aren't afraid to say so.
Be real with yourself. Honor your perspective and intuition. Be true to your feelings in every confrontation, discussion, negotiation, and creative exploration. This isn't some soft self-help bullshit ~ I'm talking about the kind of truth that makes you uncomfortable. The kind that tells you when you're settling for less than you deserve or when you're avoiding conflict because it's easier. If it's needed, allow yourself to be raw. Seriously. Let them see the edges of who you really are instead of the polished version you think they want. Demand excellence from yourself and the people around you. Not perfection ~ excellence. There's a difference, and you know it when you see it. Take it all in. The messy conversations, the pushback, the moments when someone calls your bluff. Consume the whole as a truth and reflect the truth back to the All. Stay with me here ~ when you stop performing and start being, that's when real negotiation begins. You might also find insight in The Guru Within: Why Your Greatest Teacher Lives Inside You.
When you're ready, pull your response from the depth of your spirit's knowing. Not from your head. Not from what you think they want to hear. From that place inside that's unshakeable. Bring all of you to the surface and to the table - your scars, your victories, your authentic fucking presence. I know, I know. It's scary as hell to show up completely real when money's on the line. But here's the thing: people can smell fake from three rooms away. If you're bitten, bite back with love and with a positive vibrancy. Not passive-aggressive bullshit. Real strength. The kind that comes from knowing exactly who you are and what you're worth. You might also find insight in When the Divine Roars Through You.
Invite and merge with every ancestor and guide who roots for you from the spiritual rafters. Your grandmother who knew how to hold her ground. That uncle who never took shit from anyone. The lineage of fighters who got you here. Call them all in. Shout to them and to the universe: If this connects, if this lands in your gut like truth, consider working with Paul directly. Because sometimes you need someone who gets it ~ someone who won't coddle you but will help you find that steel spine you already have buried under years of playing nice.