The Rise of Toxic Feminism and the Subtle Destruction of Relationships

I’ve been thinking a lot about the dynamics between men and women, especially in the context of what’s often referred to as “toxic feminism.” This isn’t a critique of feminism itself, rather, it’s about the dangerous extremes it can reach when the pendulum swings too far. It’s about the subtle but real damage it can do to relationships, especially when it over-identifies with women’s pain while dismissing men’s struggles.

I grew up in a family that was the epitome of emotional chaos. My father, bipolar and emotionally abusive, created a whirlwind of pain. My mother? She drowned her emotions in alcohol and eventually walked out, leaving behind more questions than answers. Then there was my sister, a new-age nun-like figure, completely disconnected from the rawness of reality. 

She couldn’t grasp the real-world language of suffering, the harshness of growing up in such a world. For her, it was all about spiritual bypassing, religion-influenced judgments, skimming over the gritty truth with airy platitudes that did nothing to acknowledge my pain or validate my experience.

Oh, and my other sister was a very angry and aggressive prostitute. Good times.

 In that environment, I learned firsthand how easy it is for someone’s pain to be ignored when it doesn’t fit the narrative – or when it involves the flaws and insanity of women.

And yet, it took me YEARS, I mean, YUH-EEEERS, to articulate this.

And that’s exactly what’s happening today in many relationships. There’s this creeping tendency in most feminist circles and popular culture, particularly within “woke” families, to sterilize emotions and personal stories, to clean everything up so that it fits into this perfectly packaged and politically correct narrative of victimhood and blame. But in doing so, we miss the messy, authentic truth of relationships, where people are raw and flawed, in pain, and have a very real need to be heard.

In my family, there were no apologies for my pain. In fact, my mother and sister ignored my story and judged me for it because I was angry about what happened. So, I was labeled The Angry One – never being told, gosh, Paul, you’re angry and we know why – we are SO SORRY!

Yeah, that never happens in families like mine.

Over-Identification with Pain: When It’s All About Her

We live in a culture where women’s pain is, rightly so, being given the spotlight. For centuries, women have been oppressed, dismissed, and silenced. It’s about time their stories of trauma are told, their wounds are acknowledged, and their healing is prioritized. But in this rush to correct historical wrongs, we’ve run the risk of over-identifying with one side of the pain, forgetting that men, too, are trying to figure themselves out.

In families and relationships shaped by woke culture, there’s often an unspoken rule: men’s pain doesn’t matter as much. We sanitize the language to make sure no one says the wrong thing, to ensure that no one feels “unsafe.” But in the process, we strip men of the ability to express their authentic selves.

I think back to my sister – so caught up in her spiritual ideals that she couldn’t grasp the simple fact that I was suffering. Real-world language, real-world pain – it was all too dirty, too raw for her. And today, many men in relationships are facing the same wall of misunderstanding. 

They’re being asked to be emotional, to open up, to share their feelings, but when they do, those emotions are often invalidated or weaponized against them. The message they get is clear: Your pain is secondary. You are the problem.

The Silent Struggle of Men

I remember growing up feeling like I wasn’t allowed to be upset. My father’s rage filled the house, my mother’s drunken stupor drowned out any hope for emotional connection, and my sister’s detachment from reality left me utterly alone. In many ways, this mirrors what men today are facing in relationships governed by toxic feminism.

Men are not allowed to be angry, confused, or hurt. If they express any of these emotions, they’re often met with accusations of toxic masculinity. Their feelings are dismissed as aggression or labeled as a symptom of privilege. But here’s the truth: men hurt too. Men are lost, they are trying to navigate a world that constantly tells them they’re wrong simply for being men.

We have to start acknowledging that men face their own forms of pain. No, they might not be the same as the collective trauma women have endured, but that doesn’t make them any less valid. Men, too, grew up in dysfunctional families. Men, too, have been emotionally neglected, abused, or abandoned. They’re not robots built to weather the storm without a scratch. They bleed, too, but we’ve created a culture where their bleeding is invisible.

The Antiseptic Nature of Woke Culture

In today’s world, especially within woke families, relationships are often suffocated by politically correct language. Everything has to be perfectly sanitized to make sure no one says the wrong thing or feels unsafe. But the irony is, this antiseptic approach kills authenticity.

I think back to my own family—the real pain was never acknowledged because we didn’t have the language for it. Or worse, the language was there, but no one wanted to hear it. My sister, wrapped up in her spiritual ideology, couldn’t handle the rawness of what I had gone through. In woke families, we see the same thing happen today: there’s no room for real, messy emotions. Everything has to fit a certain narrative, and if your pain doesn’t fit, it’s dismissed.

Men are often walking on eggshells, terrified to say the wrong thing, terrified to be seen as problematic. They’re asked to open up, but when they do, they’re quickly shut down or told that their struggles don’t compare to the broader societal issues women face. It’s no wonder so many men retreat emotionally, opting for silence rather than risk further damage.

Healing the Divide: Making Space for Both Genders to Heal

So, how do we heal from this? How do we stop toxic feminism from destroying relationships and driving men into emotional exile?

First, we need to recognize that both men and women have pain. Women’s pain is absolutely valid, but so is men’s. The problem with over-identifying with women’s pain is that it leaves no room for men to be heard. Healing has to be a two-way street.

Second, we need to bring back authenticity. This means letting go of the sterilized language that dominates woke culture. Real relationships are not perfect. They’re raw, they’re messy, and sometimes people say the wrong thing. But that’s okay because that’s where growth happens. My family didn’t have the tools to deal with this, but we, in today’s world, do—if we are willing to use them.

Finally, feminism must find balance. It’s not about making men the enemy. It’s not about dismissing their struggles in favor of women’s pain. It’s about building relationships where both people can heal, where both people can express their emotions, and where neither is silenced for the sake of fitting into a socially approved narrative.

A Call for Authenticity in Love

At the end of the day, relationships thrive on authenticity. Real love doesn’t happen in the politically correct, sterilized world woke culture wants to create. Real love happens in the raw, unfiltered moments where we say the wrong thing, but we say it from a place of trying to understand, trying to heal.

Both men and women are struggling to figure themselves out. Let’s give each other the space to be messy, to be imperfect, and to express our pain without fear of judgment. Because when we allow each other to be real, that’s where the true healing begins.

Men deserve a seat at the table of healing, and it’s time we made room for them.