The 11 Things I Learned From A Crazy-Ass Witch
It began with an alluring innocence: healing intentions, magical thinking, sacred crystals, herbs and tinctures, farm-to-table meals, stories of the ancient mothers and healers, and chants to Mother Earth. But soon, the paint on the walls began to peel and the shimmer of the crystals began to darken. The illusion evaporated as quickly as it appeared.
I met Zoey at a crystal workshop run by a struggling Wiccan priestess who claimed to understand how rocks think. She wrote many books on colors, stones, and weeds, which were quite illuminating – for a time.
Let’s call this innovative free-thinker “Bliss Wtich.”
Amid the sparkling reflections of Bliss Witch’s giant amethysts was a selfish, narcissistic sex addict who impressed upon us that we should all be sharing everything all the time because we are all one.
Not quite as lovely a sentiment as it might appear, given the gaping black hole that was the soul of this misguided, mystical troll.
The Witch’s Workshop
The three-day workshop was held in the home of Bliss Witch and her castrated, manipulated, and brainwashed husband. The experience was harmless enough and quite magical at times – full of helpful information on how crystals can be healing and helpful along our journeys. We can even put them on our balls and in our sphincters and vaginas.
We held rocks, chanted spiritual show tunes, talked about colors, and did past-life regressions—and then we were told we should all have sex with each other because that’s what enlightened people do.
Yeah, let’s all have sex at a workshop run by a broken healer because that’s how to self-realize and be free of the pain and anguish of this life.
Gosh, tell me more!
Zoey, a vibrant and sexy 20-year-old indigo child, was quite impressionable, as was I. But, even though I was repressed and broken at the time, I was conscious enough to know that having sex with Zoey, who was in a committed relationship with Bliss Witch’s son Rufus, would have been harmful to her. So I declined the opportunity. (That doesn’t mean I wasn’t thrilled with the idea! Gosh, she was sexy.)
In the years that followed, Zoey hung onto her relationship with the witch’s spawn, Rufus – and is now divorced, broke, broken, and homeless. We’ll get back to Zoey and the wunderkind later.
I knew I had advanced spiritual clarity from an early age amid clairvoyant-styled gifts. I talked to spirits and animals in the woods when I was 5. I often knew what people were about to tell me. I always had a sixth sense and overwhelming empathy about everything and everyone. I denied these tendencies on and off throughout my life – until I hit my 50s, when shit seemed to get real.
Ooh, Tantra!
Soon into the workshop, Bliss Witch picked up on my intuitive and healing gifts – and asked me to be her tantric lover. 30 years my senior, she would train me for free. Gosh, how special did I feel?!
SUPER SPECIAL!
Somehow, and I’m not proud of it – learning tantra from a crazy, selfish rock collector felt like a good idea at the time.
Bliss Witch taught me tantra while we were hopped up on ecstasy (from the original batch) and inside the belly of a redwood tree in northern California. Luckily, the lesson was truncated before coitus – when 4 policemen arrived, fined us, and escorted us naked to our cars. Good times.
What this woman continues to sell is that boundaries are imaginary, trauma is easy to surpass, and the tree in your backyard will hug you and make your boo-boo better.
She’s fuckin’ nuts.
What this ideology did to her son was strip him of his manhood and his ability to know himself fully. What her son and his crazy mom-witch did to Zoey is indoctrinate her to the point of her losing her mind.
These things happen when new-age ideologies and spiritual technologies are used for selfish purposes. When the feminine is elevated to the point of the masculine being oppressed, denied, and ridiculed – NOTHING good can come of it.
The 11 Things I Learned From A Crazy-Ass Witch
It might not be obvious to you, but these things took me a long, long time to learn. Each aspect below was hard-won and took me many years to fully understand and forgive.
Here we go:
1 – It’s neither okay nor healing to have sex with everyone – or to act on every selfish impulse.
2 – Sex is not spiritual, it’s just taking a dump in a nicer room.
3 – Real intimacy happens without a word or touch, often with loyalty and commitment.
4 – Boundaries provide safety, clarity, and helpful roles and definitions.
5 – Every soul is the embodiment of feminine and masculine aspects.
6 – Every soul has been male, female, and other in prior lives.
7 – When our birth families groom us for political correctness, religiosity, silence, vulnerability, emotional suppression, and self-denial, they fear the truth of themselves and their reality – while also damaging us in ways that are not always obvious.
8 – New age ideologies are often built on pretty colors, ego, fear, and oppression, not wisdom, forgiveness, or the path to liberation.
9 – Many people leading today’s misguided Earth, Spirit, and Woowoo sects are not Native Americans or trained healers, they’re just narcissists misappropriating cultures who have nice logos.
10 – Learning from self-realized masters and being devotional to The Divine is the only surefire way to heal deeply, release all illusions, express all suppressed emotions, and reach liberation.
11 – A healthy quest for self-discovery begins with a commitment to authenticity, gratitude, and self-inquiry – while allowing and releasing emotions toward the birth of wisdom and freedom.
My Own Shit
It’s sad how much men and women project onto each other based on gender – and how it becomes such a pendulum of power – and a cyclical circus of oppression and abuse.
My mother and cherished sister converted to the man-hating, new-age religion when I was a teenager. They did this a few years after abandoning me, leaving me with my raging, bipolar father, who emotionally abused me to the point of a nervous breakdown. This all followed my oldest sister, a professional prostitute, often molesting me in the darkness of night when I was a little boy.
~ “Your anger is inappropriate,” they said.
~ “Given all we have been through, how could you possibly be angry with us – or anything?”
~ “After all, anger is a negative emotion not permitted in our catholic and new-age religions.”
Given their propensity to scapegoat me for their own limitations, brokenness, judgmentalism, and delusion, and their desire to groom me for vulnerability, I knew there was no way to heal fully – while also continuing to engage my birth family. Letting them go, albeit very late in life, was the most mature, healing, and illuminating thing I have done in this life.
Strangely, Bliss Witch eventually apologized for exploiting me and sexualizing our relationship. She didn’t apologize for being selfish and narcissistic, she apologized because she eventually came to realize how poorly and abusively my family had treated me. I appreciated that she could articulate this for me, especially since, at the time, I couldn’t see it.
She felt so embarrassed and was so paranoid, she had a friend of hers call me to say that she had died. She didn’t. As of this writing, the crazy cunt is still witching around, spreading the same bullshit, enrolling the same vulnerable souls for her benefit.
They Indoctinated And Then Broke Zoey
After healing myself through releasing suppressed emotions, projections, judgments, and identities over many years, I am now abundantly clear about who I am and what I experienced in my birth family. I am also highly perceptive (beyond my intuition) when it comes to others who have experienced similar things – many of whom I have the pleasure of coaching and teaching.
The witch, who claimed Zoey as her loving daughter, and Rufus, the ball-less “artist” son whom his spooky mother manipulated and sexualized through the years, eventually denied Zoey and left her penniless and living in a tent. Of course, they did this while running a campaign to raise money for her, appearing to be temporarily conscious. Clearly, it would be too much for them to articulate the abuse they rendered, apologize for it, and commit to her well-being.
Let’s face it – narcissists don’t do things like that – especially the ones hiding beyond pretty religions. Instead, they abandon and blame those who do not fall in line. They cannot permit the expressing and expunging of darkness, because every conversation and room must be filled with healing colors, warm thoughts, and feminine spirits. (Btw, this is the perfect recipe for NEVER healing ANYTHING.)
New-age lunatics can never take responsibility for their actions, exploitations, and judgments. Their sole mission is to suppress anger, elevate their misguided identities and religions, and profess to the world that God is a large, bleeding vagina.
Thank heavens that I exited the witch’s cult the day after our tantric sex incident. It would have been too much for me to have endured both a sick birth family and any sort of relationship with broken Zoey, dickless Rufus, and his twisted mom.
Here’s the thing:
Nobody is coming to save you.
Your anger and sadness are permissible – and should be owned, professed, allowed, and released accordingly – all to your soul’s full expression and healing throughout spacetime.
It’s not an aversion to truth when you relieve yourself of those who seek to oppress, deny, and harm you. In fact, it’s the most wonderful and healing thing you can do in this life.
Own your power, speak your truth, and move on when it suits you.
In the meantime, don’t fuck an old crazy witch. It’s nasty.
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