We’ve all had at least one relationship that’s threatened our personal power. We may have become so entrenched, we could no longer speak-up or stand-up for ourselves. Sadly, when this friend, lover or family member invited us into their wacky world, we went willingly—and we stayed. Unaware, we left ourselves unprotected and were subject to a twisted reality, which we began to perpetuate and co-create.
When I say “intense,” I’m referring to the self-centered, dramatic people in our lives who expect us to give to them in ways they don’t even give to themselves.
It might appear that the other person is playing a game with our hearts, disabling our abilities to see ourselves and the relationships clearly.
Who am I talking about?
The most problematic people are the ones who regularly chip away at our truth, time, self-esteem, and emotional well-being. Instead of lovingly lifting us up, they hold our heads slightly beneath the water’s surface so we can’t speak or breathe. This hurtful treatment further compounds the dynamic, as well as our misery.
Human beings have been naturally attracted to egoistic spectacles for centuries. We’ve loved melodrama in our celebrities and long-enabled it in our families. We've actively sought it out in friendships, romance and business. We have been eternally attracted to relationships with kooky, intense people.
Fortunately, we can kick them out at any time.
Sensational melodrama can be fun for a while, as it often invites fascinating experiences. While it usually requires that we endure discomfort and disruption, madness usually comes with gifts and surprises too, like 5-star adventures, refreshing spontaneity and hourly oral sex.
How do we put a stop to something that sometimes balances out to awesome? More importantly, why would we want to?
Although mania has value, the problems begin when mania is at the helm. During those times, we don’t realize how much we're neglecting the other parts of our souls and lives. As we gaze at the world wearing kooky-colored glasses, we have limited awareness of how f*cked up the rest of our commitments and relationships have become.
Craziness and melodrama are drugs akin to sugar, cocaine and greed. They’re addictive and dangerous. We might think we’re enjoying a relationship with a phenomenon, but just like any activity that subverts our value, copulating with Ms. Kooky or Mr. Crazy is nothing but self-sacrificial.
Our introduction to egocentricity often comes from our siblings, parents and family circumstances. Unknowingly, we recreate situations related to our upbringing. That said, even though we're born into madness, it doesn’t mean we have to stay there.
It’s okay to have a little crazy-intelligence in the house, but if the dynamics continually create roller-coasters, it might be time to ask, “What the f*ck am I doing here?” and “What am I getting out of this?”
When crazy-intelligence is healthy, it pushes us to think outside the box, inspires us to plan wonderful events, and helps us conjure mind-blowing ideas. When crazy-intelligence is our friend, it builds bridges, enhances our lives, and improves our self-worth. But if untenable craziness dominates, it’s nothing more than a beautifully-decorated weapon that we empower to bring us down.
Weaning off of melodrama can be a nightmare. It requires being honest about what we want and what truly makes us happy. It requires a great deal of self-reflection and letting go.
The process of absolving ourselves from someone else’s egocentricity and melodrama will bring up anger, sadness, guilt and shame. It can get really messy. If we’re successful, it’ll inspire tough-mindedness, the ability to confront others, and the desire to continue making and sticking to proactive changes in our lives. If we're not successful, we'll compound our challenges and put ourselves at further risk.
When we’ve enrolled ourselves in someone else’s chaos, we lose touch with what brings us peace. In the midst of mayhem, we forget how to nurture our hearts and defend our life-vision.
If you’ve been eating at the kooky, karma table and desire a rebirth, follow this plan:
Make note of the things you’ve learned from all the drama: the good, the bad and the super f*cked-up. Celebrate the lessons and be grateful.
Make a list of the wonderful things and people in your life, then fill your schedule with them.
Before you add something new to your life, ask yourself, “Will this person or event enhance my happiness, awareness and life-conditions or will he or she detract from them?”
Say goodbye to the egocentricity and imbalance, either in-person, phone, text or via a loving friend who’s willing to take a bullet for you. It can be a sentence, book, video or one-person play. Just get ‘er done.
Never look back. Ever.
If we can enjoy the unpredictable drama in our lives and then use it for our evolution, maybe we’ve mastered it.
For the rest of us, saying goodbye to Ms. Kooky or Mr. Crazy is the moment when our lives begin.