Goodbye To A Lost & Broken New-Age Friend

Losing a friend, especially one who has journeyed through the tempests of their own making, brings a deep and transformative melancholy. It is with a tender, open heart that I reflect on the departure of a cherished friend, a soul entangled in the webs of her own unbounded drama and a convoluted new-age spirituality that, regrettably, left her exposed and unshielded against the very vulnerabilities she sought to escape.

In the vast ocean of life, where waves of emotions and trials never cease, my friend found herself adrift, captivated by a spirituality that promised liberation but paradoxically tethered her to illusions of toxicity and self-imposed pressures. It was as if the more she sought enlightenment, the further she ventured into a labyrinth of imagined fears, stressors, and exaggerated stories – losing sight of the illuminating shore.

Yet, in this sorrow, there is a poignant reminder of the timeless teachings of Advaita Vedanta, which eloquently speaks of the inner self as untouched by the sorrows of the world, a beacon of peace and stability amidst the storm. 

As the great sage Adi Shankaracharya once said, “Brahman is the only truth, the world is illusion, and there is ultimately no difference between Brahman and individual self.” In the mirror of this wisdom, the trials and tribulations of my friend are but shadows, fleeting and insubstantial against the eternal backdrop of the self.

How Broken We Can Be

In the tender journey of life, my friend, like many, found herself ensnared in the throes of overreaction, where every word, every glance, and every external event became an unwitting assailant to her ego and heart. It was a pattern as poignant as it was self-sabotaging; a cycle where feedback, instead of being a bridge to understanding and growth, transformed into arrows that pierced her deeply, leaving wounds not easily healed.

This habit of internalizing the world’s myriad voices—each critique, each disagreement, as a personal affront—was not just a barrier to her peace; it became the very chisel that sculpted her reality. The more she allowed these external forces to define her inner landscape, the more her world became a reflection of imagined hostilities and betrayals. In this state of heightened vulnerability, the boundary between self and other blurred, making it nearly impossible for her to distinguish where her essence ended and the external world began.

It’s a poignant reminder of the wisdom echoed in the teachings of Advaita Vedanta, which invites us to discern the impermanent nature of our experiences and the unassailable tranquility of our true self. As Swami Vivekananda poignantly stated, “You have to grow from the inside out. None can teach you, none can make you spiritual. There is no other teacher but your own soul.” My friend’s journey, marred by overreactions, was a testament to the forgotten truth that the external world can only affect us to the extent that we allow it.

Each event, idea, or piece of feedback that she perceived as an attack was, in reality, a call to delve deeper into the sanctuary of her being, to discover that unshakeable peace that lies beyond the ephemeral dramas of life. Yet, the dance of ego is intricate and seductive, often leading us away from this profound simplicity into a maze of emotional turmoil.

There lies a universal lesson in her struggle: the importance of cultivating an inner fortress of calm and equanimity where the storms of life cannot reach. It’s about learning to witness the ebb and flow of life’s events as a spectator, embracing the impermanence of all things while remaining anchored in the eternal.

To my dear friend, and to all who find themselves wounded by the arrows of the external, remember the words of the great sage Ramana Maharshi: “The mind is everything; what you think, you become.” Let this be a beacon to guide you back to your essence, to the realization that no arrow, no matter how sharply aimed, can pierce the citadel of your soul unless you permit it entry.

May this understanding be the salve that heals your wounds, transforming each scar into a testament of your resilience and your journey back to the infinite peace that resides within. With love and encouragement, let us navigate the delicate balance of being in the world but not of it, remembering always that our true refuge lies not in the external, but in the quiet, luminous core of our being.

The Harsh Realities Of Toxic New-Agism

In the complex interplay of human behavior and spirituality, a particular pattern emerges, notably among those perpetually entangled in their dramas, much like my friend. This pattern, often stemming from a deep-seated aversion to confronting inner turmoil, manifests as a propensity to adopt the role of the victim. 

This is not a predicament unique to any one gender or spiritual orientation, yet it finds a potent expression in certain spheres, including aspects of what can be termed as “toxic femininity” and “toxic new-agism.”

Toxic femininity, a controversial term, refers not to the inherent qualities of femininity itself, which is nurturing, compassionate, and empowering, but to a distortion of these traits into harsh, manipulative, judgmental, and evasive behaviors. It is characterized by a refusal to take responsibility for one’s actions and choices, instead refusing to be compassionate and leveraging societal expectations of femininity to evade accountability. 

This evasion is often cloaked in a guise of vulnerability or helplessness, effectively playing the victim to garner sympathy or escape the hard labor of self-reflection and growth.

Similarly, toxic new-agism, a perversion of genuine spiritual seeking, often becomes a refuge for those unwilling to confront their shadows. This brand of spirituality preaches love, light, and positivity, not as aspects of a holistic journey that also acknowledges darkness and suffering, but as panaceas that can magically dissolve life’s complexities without the need for confrontation or inner work. 

It promotes an escapist attitude where critical thinking and emotional resilience are often eschewed for an uncritical acceptance of overly simplistic spiritual dogmas.

Both these distortions share a common thread: the avoidance of inner work. By cloaking oneself in the identity of the victim, there is a relinquishing of personal power, a surrender of agency. This stance not only impedes genuine healing but also fosters a dependency on external validation and guidance, steering individuals further away from the self-reliance and introspection that are hallmarks of authentic spiritual growth.

In the wisdom traditions, including Advaita Vedanta, there is a profound emphasis on the inner journey, on the necessity of facing one’s inner demons and transcending them through awareness, self-inquiry, and the realization of one’s true nature beyond the egoic self. As Ramana Maharshi advises, “Look inward and see from whence the individuality arises,” pointing to the necessity of confronting the self, not as a victim of circumstances, but as the sovereign of one’s inner realm.

This path is undoubtedly challenging; it demands courage, honesty, and a willingness to navigate the darkness within. Yet, it is only by undertaking this journey that one can hope to arrive at a place of genuine healing and self-reliance. The allure of playing the victim, of attributing one’s suffering to external forces or cloaking oneself in the superficial trappings of distorted femininity or spirituality, may offer temporary solace, but it ultimately leads to a dead end, a perpetual cycle of disempowerment and dependency.

To those caught in this web, the call to action is clear: embrace the responsibility for your healing and growth. Recognize that the outer world reflects your inner state, that change begins with you, and that true empowerment lies in your willingness to engage with your shadow as much as your light. It is a journey from victimhood to victory, from dependence to sovereignty, marked not by the absence of challenges, but by the relentless pursuit of truth, self-awareness, and the liberation of the self from the illusions that bind it.

In this endeavor, let us be guided not by fear or avoidance but by the love for the truth that resides within us, the unquenchable light of our own being. May we find in this journey not just healing, but the profound freedom that comes from knowing ourselves, wholly and completely, beyond the roles and narratives we have inherited or adopted. Herein lies the key to transcending the trappings of toxic femininity, toxic new-agism, and any other ideologies that keep us from our deepest truth and greatest strength.

Farewell, Beautiful Soul

With a spirit of compassion and understanding, I bid farewell to my friend, not with bitterness or resentment but with a hope that her journey, however tumultuous, leads her back to the serene waters of her true self. As she navigates the intricate dance of life, may she remember the words of the enlightened masters who have walked this path before: “You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop,” as Rumi beautifully articulated.

Let this be a loving encouragement to my friend and to all who find themselves lost in the drama of existence: the path to self-realization is fraught with illusions and challenges, yet the indomitable light of our inner being also illuminates it. May we learn to set boundaries not just with the world but with our own limitations, recognizing that the ultimate sanctuary lies within, where no drama can ever take root.

As my friend journeys onward, I hold space for her in my heart, sending thoughts of love and strength. May she find in her experiences the wisdom to discern truth from illusion, strength from vulnerability, and above all, may she discover the boundless love and peace that reside within her own heart.

In parting, let us not dwell on the goodbyes but on the love and lessons shared. To my friend, and to all who find themselves on a similar voyage, remember: “The sun shines not on us but in us. The rivers flow not past, but through us.” Here’s to finding our way through the darkness, guided by the light within, until we meet again in the realm of boundless peace and love.