The Rise of Toxic Feminism and the Subtle Destruction of Relationships

I’ve been thinking a lot about the dynamics between men and women, especially in the context of what’s often referred to as “toxic feminism.” This isn’t a critique of feminism itself, rather, it’s about the dangerous extremes it can reach when the pendulum swings too far. It’s about the subtle but real damage it can do to relationships, especially when it over-identifies with women’s pain while dismissing men’s struggles.

I grew up in a family that was the epitome of emotional chaos. My father, bipolar and emotionally abusive, created a whirlwind of pain. My mother? She drowned her emotions in alcohol and eventually walked out, leaving behind more questions than answers. Then there was my sister, a new-age nun-like figure, completely disconnected from the rawness of reality. 

She couldn’t grasp the real-world language of suffering, the harshness of growing up in such a world. For her, it was all about spiritual bypassing, religion-influenced judgments, skimming over the gritty truth with airy platitudes that did nothing to acknowledge my pain or validate my experience.

Oh, and my other sister was a very angry and aggressive prostitute. Good times.

 In that environment, I learned firsthand how easy it is for someone’s pain to be ignored when it doesn’t fit the narrative – or when it involves the flaws and insanity of women.

And yet, it took me YEARS, I mean, YUH-EEEERS, to articulate this.

And that’s exactly what’s happening today in many relationships. There’s this creeping tendency in most feminist circles and popular culture, particularly within “woke” families, to sterilize emotions and personal stories, to clean everything up so that it fits into this perfectly packaged and politically correct narrative of victimhood and blame. But in doing so, we miss the messy, authentic truth of relationships, where people are raw and flawed, in pain, and have a very real need to be heard.

In my family, there were no apologies for my pain. In fact, my mother and sister ignored my story and judged me for it because I was angry about what happened. So, I was labeled The Angry One – never being told, gosh, Paul, you’re angry and we know why – we are SO SORRY!

Yeah, that never happens in families like mine.

Over-Identification with Pain: When It’s All About Her

We live in a culture where women’s pain is, rightly so, being given the spotlight. For centuries, women have been oppressed, dismissed, and silenced. It’s about time their stories of trauma are told, their wounds are acknowledged, and their healing is prioritized. But in this rush to correct historical wrongs, we’ve run the risk of over-identifying with one side of the pain, forgetting that men, too, are trying to figure themselves out.

In families and relationships shaped by woke culture, there’s often an unspoken rule: men’s pain doesn’t matter as much. We sanitize the language to make sure no one says the wrong thing, to ensure that no one feels “unsafe.” But in the process, we strip men of the ability to express their authentic selves.

I think back to my sister – so caught up in her spiritual ideals that she couldn’t grasp the simple fact that I was suffering. Real-world language, real-world pain – it was all too dirty, too raw for her. And today, many men in relationships are facing the same wall of misunderstanding. 

They’re being asked to be emotional, to open up, to share their feelings, but when they do, those emotions are often invalidated or weaponized against them. The message they get is clear: Your pain is secondary. You are the problem.

The Silent Struggle of Men

I remember growing up feeling like I wasn’t allowed to be upset. My father’s rage filled the house, my mother’s drunken stupor drowned out any hope for emotional connection, and my sister’s detachment from reality left me utterly alone. In many ways, this mirrors what men today are facing in relationships governed by toxic feminism.

Men are not allowed to be angry, confused, or hurt. If they express any of these emotions, they’re often met with accusations of toxic masculinity. Their feelings are dismissed as aggression or labeled as a symptom of privilege. But here’s the truth: men hurt too. Men are lost, they are trying to navigate a world that constantly tells them they’re wrong simply for being men.

We have to start acknowledging that men face their own forms of pain. No, they might not be the same as the collective trauma women have endured, but that doesn’t make them any less valid. Men, too, grew up in dysfunctional families. Men, too, have been emotionally neglected, abused, or abandoned. They’re not robots built to weather the storm without a scratch. They bleed, too, but we’ve created a culture where their bleeding is invisible.

The Antiseptic Nature of Woke Culture

In today’s world, especially within woke families, relationships are often suffocated by politically correct language. Everything has to be perfectly sanitized to make sure no one says the wrong thing or feels unsafe. But the irony is, this antiseptic approach kills authenticity.

I think back to my own family—the real pain was never acknowledged because we didn’t have the language for it. Or worse, the language was there, but no one wanted to hear it. My sister, wrapped up in her spiritual ideology, couldn’t handle the rawness of what I had gone through. In woke families, we see the same thing happen today: there’s no room for real, messy emotions. Everything has to fit a certain narrative, and if your pain doesn’t fit, it’s dismissed.

Men are often walking on eggshells, terrified to say the wrong thing, terrified to be seen as problematic. They’re asked to open up, but when they do, they’re quickly shut down or told that their struggles don’t compare to the broader societal issues women face. It’s no wonder so many men retreat emotionally, opting for silence rather than risk further damage.

Healing the Divide: Making Space for Both Genders to Heal

So, how do we heal from this? How do we stop toxic feminism from destroying relationships and driving men into emotional exile?

First, we need to recognize that both men and women have pain. Women’s pain is absolutely valid, but so is men’s. The problem with over-identifying with women’s pain is that it leaves no room for men to be heard. Healing has to be a two-way street.

Second, we need to bring back authenticity. This means letting go of the sterilized language that dominates woke culture. Real relationships are not perfect. They’re raw, they’re messy, and sometimes people say the wrong thing. But that’s okay because that’s where growth happens. My family didn’t have the tools to deal with this, but we, in today’s world, do—if we are willing to use them.

Finally, feminism must find balance. It’s not about making men the enemy. It’s not about dismissing their struggles in favor of women’s pain. It’s about building relationships where both people can heal, where both people can express their emotions, and where neither is silenced for the sake of fitting into a socially approved narrative.

A Call for Authenticity in Love

At the end of the day, relationships thrive on authenticity. Real love doesn’t happen in the politically correct, sterilized world woke culture wants to create. Real love happens in the raw, unfiltered moments where we say the wrong thing, but we say it from a place of trying to understand, trying to heal.

Both men and women are struggling to figure themselves out. Let’s give each other the space to be messy, to be imperfect, and to express our pain without fear of judgment. Because when we allow each other to be real, that’s where the true healing begins.

Men deserve a seat at the table of healing, and it’s time we made room for them.

The Power of Forgiveness and the Illusion of Separation

Forgiveness is a powerful, life-altering practice that goes beyond simple amends or reconciliation. It is a release, a deep spiritual process that shifts our inner landscape. At its core, forgiveness is not just for the benefit of others, but it is an act of profound liberation for ourselves. And yet, the very concept of forgiveness can sometimes feel like an illusion, a complex paradox that requires us to untangle our emotional knots and see reality for what it truly is.

The strands that connect you and those who you cannot forgive are one. This oneness means that as you heal, they heal. As you pray for them to heal, they receive that energy and it benefits both of you.

The beauty of this is in its simplicity, yet it is one of the most profound truths. Our lives are interconnected, woven into the fabric of each other’s experiences. When you are in a state of resentment or anger towards someone, it isn’t just their life that is affected by the tension. You are too. The threads that bind you in unforgiveness are the same threads that can bind you in healing. As you lift your consciousness through forgiveness and prayer, those ripples extend outwards, touching the souls of those with whom you share this karmic bond.

So release all that you can. Allow those emotions and let them go as often as possible. Over time, you’ll feel more free.

This act of releasing is not a one-time effort but a continual practice. Just like waves rolling onto the shore, the emotions might come back again and again. And each time, it’s an invitation to release, to let go, to breathe in freedom. Over time, you’ll notice a shift—a lightness. That heavy emotional load you once carried starts to dissolve. Your heart opens, your spirit expands, and with each release, you step closer to your authentic self, unburdened by the weights of the past.

Forgiveness, however, is often misunderstood as an invitation to rekindle relationships. And this releasing and this forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to welcome these parties back into your life. Because since your exit or since the break or since the fissure, time has introduced new paths for both of you that do not necessarily align or complement each other at this time.

There is wisdom in understanding that not all relationships are meant to last forever. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting what happened or inviting someone back into your life. It’s not about denying the past or pretending that everything is the same. In fact, part of the growth that comes with forgiveness is recognizing that the chapter has closed. New roads have unfolded for both of you, and they may no longer converge.

You are on a forever journey. And we cannot tarry and journey with everyone we meet. In fact, every relationship has a beginning, middle, and end.

This truth is both sobering and liberating. We are eternal souls on a vast and endless journey, one that stretches far beyond this lifetime. Along the way, we meet countless others—some who stay for a brief moment, some who walk with us for miles, and others who seem to be with us for what feels like lifetimes. But in the grand scheme of things, no one person is meant to journey with us forever.

The beauty of this is that every relationship, no matter how brief or tumultuous, holds profound meaning. Each person who enters your life plays a role in your soul’s evolution. And just as importantly, you play a role in theirs. When we cling to relationships beyond their natural lifespan, we hinder not only our own growth but also the growth of those we are clinging to.

The Gift of Forgiveness in Your Spiritual Journey

Forgiveness, then, becomes a gift you give to yourself, a key to unlocking your own spiritual freedom. As you release the need for retribution or reconciliation, you allow the energy of love and peace to flow through you. This energy doesn’t just stop with you—it radiates outwards, touching the lives of everyone you encounter.

Through forgiveness, you are able to step fully into the present moment, unshackled by the burdens of the past. This doesn’t mean you forget what has happened or diminish your experiences. On the contrary, it means you honor the lessons learned and carry them with you as you continue your journey. You recognize that every relationship serves a purpose in your spiritual growth, and once that purpose is fulfilled, it’s okay to let go.

The Illusion of Forgiveness and Separation

In the grand spiritual sense, there is no true separation between us and others. The feelings of hurt, betrayal, and anger that lead us to seek forgiveness are rooted in the illusion that we are separate from one another. But in reality, we are all connected—woven together by invisible threads of energy, karma, and consciousness.

When you forgive, you are not just freeing yourself from emotional pain; you are healing the very fabric of this oneness. And when you release someone from the chains of unforgiveness, you also release yourself. In that moment, the illusion of separation dissolves, and what is left is the pure, untainted truth of our interconnectedness.

The Power of Prayer in Forgiveness

Another important aspect of forgiveness is prayer. When you find it difficult to forgive, you can pray for healing—not just for yourself, but for the other person as well. Your prayers carry immense power. Even if the other person is unaware of it, the energy of your prayers reaches them. It penetrates their spirit and begins the process of healing, both for them and for you.

Prayer is a bridge that connects our human struggles with the divine realm. Through prayer, you can call upon the higher energies of love, compassion, and healing to work through you and the situation. This doesn’t mean that everything will be magically resolved, but it does mean that the energy will shift. The knots of tension and resentment begin to loosen, and a new space for peace and understanding emerges.

Conclusion: Forgive, Release, and Continue Forward

Forgiveness is a journey, not a destination. It is a process that unfolds in layers, allowing you to release more and more each time you engage with it. As you practice forgiveness, you’ll notice how it changes you. You’ll become lighter, freer, more connected to your true essence.

But remember, forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to walk with everyone forever. Some souls are meant to journey with you for only a season, and that’s okay. The key is to release them with love and gratitude, understanding that their role in your life—however brief or challenging—was an essential part of your growth.

As you continue on your forever journey, may you find the courage to forgive, the wisdom to release, and the strength to move forward with a heart full of peace.

Crying, Bosons, and the Nature of Being: Dissolving Illusions to Embrace True Lightness

Crying is far more profound than it appears. Beyond the visible stream of tears lies a sacred release, a profound unraveling of energetic, emotional, and karmic knots. Each tear carries with it a fragment of illusion – a shred of the binding fascia that has wrapped our spirits across lifetimes. As we cry, we dissolve the strands that tether our souls to lifetimes of karma, pain, memories, and emotional patterns. These aren’t just metaphysical shifts; they ripple through our physical forms, releasing chemicals, bosons, and energetic material.

In this process, we experience a profound unraveling. The spirit, long believed to be our eternal essence, is revealed as an illusion – a construct built of impressions and stories accumulated over countless lifetimes. This understanding aligns beautifully with teachings from Advaita Vedanta and sutras like the Heart Sutra and the Diamond Sutra. They remind us that form is emptiness and emptiness is form. All the forms we believe are real – our identities, our emotions, even our spiritual aspirations – emerge from nothing and dissolve back into nothing.

When we truly release everything – our attachments, our identities, our karmic imprints – we melt into a state of non-knowing, not-seeing, not-wanting. From this emptiness, a lightness of Being emerges, a pure emanation of love that embodies all beings. It is not tethered to form or illusion but exists as the essence of truth itself.

Bosons: The Ambassadors of Flow and Force

Bosons are fascinating entities. They exist as carriers of energy and mediators of the forces that hold the universe together. They move between particles, embodying the space between molecules and quarks. In many ways, bosons are like water – adaptable, influenced by energy, and essential to the flow of existence. They are the whispers of creation itself, responding to awareness and intention.

When our thoughts align with light and awareness, we empower the bosons, feeding them with vitality that lifts the veils of illusion. Conversely, when we are distracted by negativity or delusion, we disrupt the flow, disempowering these carriers of life force. In this way, bosons can be seen as the literal life-force – a vital concept in homeopathic philosophy. They sustain and balance life, yet they are susceptible to disruption by malefic influences, karmic residues, or emotional disturbances. These disruptions manifest as imbalances, leading to illness on physical, mental, or spiritual levels.

It’s extraordinary to think that every deep philosophy – whether scientific, spiritual, or healing – offers a unique lens through which to view this life force. Yet all reflect the same underlying truth: life is a delicate interplay of forces, energies, and intentions, all flowing toward harmony or disharmony depending on our awareness.

The Wisdom of Water: Lessons from the Dragon

Water, the essence of adaptability and resilience, offers profound lessons. In Chinese mythology, the Dragon thrives in water, drawing strength, wisdom, and transformative power from its depths. The Dragon doesn’t simply exist in water – it merges with it, embodying the life-giving force that flows through all beings. Water represents the ultimate adaptability – it can nourish or carve through stone, transform into mist, or freeze into crystal. It is fluid yet formidable.

When we view our lives through the lens of water’s wisdom, we see the potential for transformation and flow within ourselves. Like the Dragon, we can draw from the depths of our inner reservoirs, using the life force within to navigate challenges, heal imbalances, and protect the sacred light of Being. Water teaches us to adapt without losing our essence, to move with the currents of life while remaining connected to the source.

How This All Connects

Crying, bosons, water, and the wisdom of emptiness – these are not separate ideas but threads of the same tapestry. They show us that life is an interplay of energy, intention, and release. When we allow ourselves to cry, to dissolve illusions, and to realign with the pure flow of existence, we step into a state of profound harmony.

Every tear, every thought, and every moment of awareness shapes the bosons within and around us. They become magic wands in the hands of the conscious, flowing with the whispers of divine intent. Likewise, every imbalance – every toxic thought, karmic imprint, or unresolved emotion – disrupts the flow, creating distortions that ripple through our physical, mental, and spiritual lives.

The choice is always ours: will we embrace the emptiness, releasing what no longer serves, or will we cling to the illusions that bind us? Will we be the Dragon, thriving in the depths of our inner waters, or will we allow the currents of life to carry us into disarray?

A Call to Emanate Lightness

Crying isn’t just an emotional release – it’s a gateway to transformation. Each tear is a prayer, a surrender, and a declaration of readiness to dissolve the veils of illusion. Each thought is an opportunity to feed the life force, to empower the bosons, and to align with the divine flow.

Let yourself cry. Let yourself dissolve. Let yourself align with the wisdom of water and the lightness of Being. In doing so, you will embody the love and light that is the essence of all creation. You will become the Dragon – resilient, adaptable, and alive with the force of divine truth.

A Call for Unity, Light, and Compassion: Reflections on Israel and Palestine

As someone who has spent years peering into the complex, often painful history between Israel and Palestine, I know that each layer of this ancient conflict echoes with heartbreak. There is a deep, reverberating wound that stretches across generations and borders, permeating the soil, the air, and the hearts of those caught in its grasp. And yet, in the face of such anguish, I believe in the potential for love, healing, and forgiveness to transcend even the darkest histories.

For decades, the United States has been Israel’s steadfast ally, often acting as a shield against global support for Palestinian statehood. This alliance, though steeped in politics, has meant that the dreams of a Palestinian homeland have been deferred time and again. It’s a tragic echo of the Trail of Tears—a modern exile that has scarred generations, uprooting families, and displacing entire communities. The Nakba, or “catastrophe,” saw over 700,000 Palestinians displaced in 1948, many of whom have yet to return to the lands their ancestors once called home.

But when we look at history, we find an unspoken call for compassion in these struggles, an appeal to recognize and honor the humanity of all people. If only those involved could see past the walls of resentment and separation, what powerful stories of redemption, resilience, and healing might be written! I, too, have watched the human cost mount in this conflict: lives cut short, homes turned to rubble, futures stolen. And my heart aches, not just for the loss but for the opportunity squandered to transform that pain into a foundation for peace.

In Hollywood, a world fueled by power and influence, I witnessed the darker undercurrents of geopolitics firsthand. Behind closed doors, among industry titans and decision-makers, I heard discussions about Gaza—“solutions” and “strategies” that, in truth, amounted to plans for economic strangulation. It was wealth-hoarding at its most insidious, masked as strategy, blind to the real human suffering in Gaza. When I spoke out, my objections were met with laughter—dismissed by those who couldn’t see, or simply didn’t care, that their detached games were injuring real, vulnerable lives. I left these meetings feeling a heaviness for those caught in the crosshairs of greed and indifference, those to whom these boardroom maneuvers were more than just talk—they were life and death.

And yet, despite these harsh realities, I find that my heart still carries a love for Israel. There’s an undeniable beauty in the nation’s landscapes, the vibrancy of its cities, and the warmth of its people. But even in the midst of this admiration, I sense an unsettling ideology—one that, when twisted, becomes dangerously reminiscent of the domination that Israel’s own people once suffered. Zionism, in its essence, is not about exclusion; it’s about creating a safe space for those who have been oppressed. But when that safety morphs into supremacy, when survival justifies harm, it begins to mirror the dark energies that once sought to subjugate.

How tragic it is that sometimes, those who have known oppression can begin to cast the same shadows they once fled. It’s an ancient story, a recurring theme in human history. The desire to protect can turn into the need to control. The impulse to defend can lead to walls built higher and hearts hardened further. This is not unique to Israel or Palestine—it is a part of the human journey, a lesson we seem doomed to repeat until we can finally transcend it.

But this is where my hope takes root: I believe in a different future. I see within Israel the potential for a transformation that goes beyond politics, beyond borders. What if Israel could be a beacon of light, a leader in compassion rather than conflict, a nation that chooses to embrace Palestine not as an adversary, but as a neighbor in need of healing? What if, instead of building walls, they built bridges?

True strength lies not in domination but in restraint. It’s found in the courage to choose compassion over conquest, kindness over vengeance. History’s greatest societies understood this divine principle: real power lies in passivity, in the ability to hold space for peace, to forgive even when forgiveness seems unimaginable. The greatest warriors are those who lay down their arms, who choose to heal rather than harm. I believe Israel can be this kind of leader—a place that remembers the deep costs of pain and, with wisdom, chooses peace instead.

There is a spiritual truth, one that transcends race, religion, or creed, that speaks to the heart of every person. It is the understanding that we are all interconnected, that no border can divide the essence of our shared humanity. It is this universal oneness that calls us to rise above, to forgive, to seek understanding even in the face of suffering. Imagine an Israel that embodies this truth, an Israel that leads with grace, extending its hand to Palestine in friendship rather than force.

Of course, this vision may seem idealistic, even naive to some. But isn’t that the very point of love? To envision the impossible, to dream of a world healed by light, united by forgiveness? Love asks us to see beyond the wounds, to imagine what lies on the other side of fear. In this context, Israel’s strength could become a source of healing for both itself and Palestine, a testament to the power of love to bridge even the widest divides.

This is not a call to ignore the wounds of the past. Pain must be acknowledged, history must be respected, and accountability must be sought. But perhaps we can shift the narrative, beginning to ask not what divides us, but what unites us. Perhaps, through a heart-centered approach, Israel and Palestine can move toward a shared future, one grounded not in fear, but in faith—faith in the resilience of the human spirit, in the transformative power of forgiveness, and in the possibility of a peace that heals all parties involved.

I dream of an Israel that remembers the heavy costs of war and chooses instead to become a guiding light for peace. An Israel that stands as a model of reconciliation, a living testament to the truth that love, even in the face of ancient enmities, can change the world. Such a vision may seem distant, but with every small act of kindness, every gesture of compassion, we inch closer to it.

Let us hold this vision with open hearts and minds, inviting light into the darkest corners of the world. And may we, too, find within ourselves the courage to forgive, to heal, and to love without bounds. For in the end, it is love that unites us all, love that binds us to one another, and love that will carry us through even the deepest heartbreak.

How to Create Boundaries With Challenging Family Members

(Or exit your birth family altogether)

Creating boundaries with challenging family members can be very difficult, but it’s essential for maintaining healthy relationships, preserving your wellbeing and creating a life path that is aligned with your authentic Self. 

When we learn to create appropriate boundaries with our family members, we can recalibrate old dynamics, uplift our other more aligned relationships, and heal oppressive patterns carried from prior lifetimes. 

While this is an important process that can help you empower yourself and heal old wounds, creating boundaries with family members can create a great deal of unnecessary guilt, shame, and regret – so you must tread this pursuit carefully and with great attention to your thoughts, feelings, and attitudes along the way.

Even more challenging is saying goodbye to family members who have proven their lack of respect and love for us. It’s with these relationships that we must begin to seek the deepest healing and the deepest forgiveness before we cut cords with them. 

Why it’s so difficult to create boundaries with family

Low Self-worth and Self-esteem, as well as a fear of conflict or rejection can make it difficult to express ourselves and to assert our needs in general. With family, it is even more difficult – often due to the following:

• Our conditioning around our cultures, families, society
• Our traumas and triggers
• Our projections and attitudes
• Our inability to release the past and forgive ourselves and others
• Our unwillingness to perform proper Self-inquiry toward our illumination

After all, family is merely a contrivance – a karmic engine that is neither required nor necessary for your healing, happiness, personal development, or liberation. In fact, your family might be what’s preventing you from fully healing in this lifetime.

While setting boundaries (and saying goodbye) can be uncomfortable, it is quite often essential to our growth and peacefulness. Boundaries are also helpful to everyone involved, including the family members that we confront, breaking all members of the unit out of ancestral conditioning, codependence, oppression, and dependencies on outdated and harmful temporary Self-identities.

Throughout this life and prior lives, we each develop personas around our roles in families. When we recalibrate the old identities and patterns, we help everyone grow beyond the limits of their outdated limited projections, beliefs, attitudes, and identities. 

Discover your boundaries

Begin your journey to better boundaries  by assessing your own feelings, emotions, projections, beliefs, attitudes, needs, values, and limits. Imagine your most healed Self and commit to protecting her for all time. Determine and conjure the boundaries necessary for your emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health. After all, Self-realization can be quite difficult if you’re continually projecting and arguing with old versions of your Self.

Setting healthy boundaries begins with Self-inquiry – truly knowing your Self. 

This includes: 

• Sensing into and releasing trapped emotions
• Understanding your attributes and releasing those that are unworthy of a fully healed Self
• Focused attention on your will to forgive
• A resolute mind that seeks liberation
• Prayer and meditation
• Journal writing

Oftentimes, we drag ourselves into other people’s dramas and agendas because we enjoy this type of addiction and we simply refuse to focus on our own lives.  

Learn to stay present with your Self and focus on creating your life in a way that feels nourishing and satisfying to you. No one is coming to save you, so dig deep and decide who you want to be and what your life will one day include.

Allow and release your emotions

Seeking to improve your dynamics with family members can bring up difficult emotions stemming from old traumas. 

As children, we were dependent on our family for everything. If we grew up in toxic environments, we created a variety of coping patterns to help us accept and deal with the reality around us. 

Some of these mechanisms might have been conflict avoidance, passive aggressive communication, obsessions with our projections, desires around being liked and needing other people’s approval, needing to appear to be someone you are not, and a variety of other ways that involve pleasing those around you. When we seek to release these coping mechanisms in favor of honest Self-expression, it can trigger deep fears and open old wounds. 

Take the time to work with your emotions, Learn how to allow and release these emotions. You might want to explore my Connect & Let Go Process and The Sedona Method. Journal or do other practices. A therapist, intuitive coach, or healer might be helpful. 

Learn about healthy boundaries

Your family was your world when you were a child. Even as adults we can continue to be deeply involved with our families, not yet having created our own lives. And all of this projection around family might merely and solely be happening within our own minds. 

We need to venture beyond our minds’ obsessions and our family’s dogma to evolve. Learning about healthy relating, boundaries, and goodbyes can help you understand your Self and your family. 

Forgive

Forgiving family members can be difficult, but it is helpful and necessary to our healing and evolution. Doing deep inner work, we might also find the resolve within to release old dynamics and evolve. If we so choose, we can clear the slate and start anew. 

Forgiveness is challenging inner work that pushes us to see everything more clearly, including ourselves, and to take ownership for our lives. To be truly Self-reliant means that we take responsibility for everything in our lives. Once we do this, we can more easily forgive.

While you don’t need to forgive to set boundaries, choosing to do this deeper work can help you find more peace, resolve, healing, and illumination.

As an adult, you are responsible for your actions and wellbeing. No one can go back in time and undo what was done. And while some families are abusive and neglectful, other families are simply imperfect due to being…you know, human. 

Sometimes there is simply no blame to be laid at anyone’s feet, just a complex human experience that results in pain. Allow your Self to grieve and rage in healthy ways as you need, and commit to letting go of the past. 

In all things, lay your burdens at the feet of The Divine, and seek Her friendship. She is the only one who can walk with you for all time.

Have compassion and patience

Don’t be embarrassed if you find it difficult to express your boundaries – have compassion and patience for your Self. You don’t need to go anywhere guns blazing and be the strongest possible version of your Self. Just blurt them out, text them, send a letter – do whatever you need to communicate your boundaries to your satisfaction.

You can also take your time and make incremental changes. At times, you might be harsher than you wish you were – other times softer than you wish you were. It is perfectly normal to have a process – and none of it has to be perfect.

Start with love and escalate as needed

Setting boundaries does not mean that we need to be aggressive. Others don’t even necessarily need to know you are setting a boundary – it is enough that they experience it and the dynamic shifts in favor of your peacefulness and wellbeing. 

It is okay to express a boundary lovingly and peacefully. If you are met with aggression, manipulation or abuse, you can respond adequately.  As you express new boundaries, it is bound that some loved ones will be confused or worried by this change. They might need time to adjust, accept and integrate. After all, you are addressing habits that have been engrained for a long time. 

It is possible some family members will prove unloving and intolerant, unable to move beyond their perspective and seek to understand you. While this is painful and difficult to confront, it is also essential to be aware of the quality of our relationships.

Sometimes, no matter what we say or do, our family members will turn our requirements and declarations into dramatic events to appease their projections of what they believe family should be. They might love using you as their foil or antagonist so they can feel better about themselves and their desires and beliefs. We never know what dark and embedded projections, patterns, attitudes, and beliefs are brewing within the members of our families. After all, a family is nothing but a group of strangers fighting over limited resources.

You might find it helpful to write down your boundaries, and make a plan for what to say and when. You might need a strategy for certain dynamics. 

You might also write about who you feel each person is within your family. Explore their attributes and seek to understand them. It’s in this way we can learn to better understand ourselves.

If you work with a loving, intuitive coach or therapist, they can help you articulate your boundaries in ways that are healthy and correct for you.

Allow others their process

While we change the dynamics in our relationships through our own action and will, it can take others some time to adjust to new realities. Quite possibly, they never experienced healthy boundaries and might take your needs, disagreement, or exit as outright rejection. It is important to allow for their process to unfold as well. You need not be involved in what they project, need, feel, or do. That’s their business. Focus on your Self.

Those who love you and truly want you in their lives will choose to make adjustments even if it is difficult and it takes them some time. 

Most families will not make much of an adjustment, so prepare your Self for a deep, inner journey. If something positive emerges, consider it a gift from The Divine.

Be consistent

Consistency is key to enforcing boundaries. Don’t waiver on your boundaries unless you genuinely feel the need to adjust them for a valid reason. It is up to you to show others that your boundaries are important to you. 

Sometimes as we set boundaries with our family for the first time, we might need these to be more stringent. We might need time away to heal old wounds or might find it difficult to deal with specific aspects for a certain period. It is okay to do any of these things. We are not required to show up in a specific way.  

Meditate often and be focused

Be clear and focused on your intentions and plan. This will help you set boundaries. Meditate often because this will help you be more present to how you truly feel. Instead of reacting, you can respond firmly and clearly – because you are aware of your Self. Meditation gives us this gift.

Our conditioned patterns tend to take over when we engage family. After all, we have been engaged in these dynamics for a long time, and most likely amid many prior lives. If you want to truly and deeply honor yourself, you need to be focused, present, and aware. 

Meditation and other mindfulness practices will help you see your Self and others more clearly, and help you respond better. Even if you let something go in the moment, you can become more quickly aware of your emotional response following your interactions. 

Focus on your healing and wellbeing

When you focus on your healing and growing in self-love, you become more aware of what you need to reject and accept in your life. The more you are in touch with your light body, the more you will be clear about what belongs in your life and what does not. 

Reevaluate and adjust 

As your circumstances change or relationships evolve, revisit and adjust your boundaries accordingly. What worked in the past may need modification in the future. And never expect others to change. It’s their right to stay where they are. In fact, it might be necessary for their karma and other influencing energies and factors. Remain focused on your Self.

With more Self-inquiry, meditation, and healing, you might find you do not need your family in any way. Releasing them might be the best thing for your evolution. After all, Siddhartha left his wife and newborn child to seek liberation and become The Buddha. You can certainly evolve beyond needing a family if that is what you wish. 

That said, after substantial effort and inner work, you might feel more open to spending a bit of time with prior troubling family members. It’s quite possible that others might uplevel and meet you where you are. You might also find that over time, your needs change.

Remain focused within, releasing old emotions, beliefs, attitudes, and patterns to avail your Self to the path of awakening, illumination, and Self-realization. To be liberated, your life might unfold in ways you cannot predict at this time. 

Remember: Your contract is not with individuals, it is with The Universe and The Divine. 

The Sacred Storm: Embracing the Journey of Boundaries, Karma, and Devotion

The sutras are like keys to a locked door inside you – helping you find your way through pain and escape paradigms that no longer serve your soul. They awaken the sharpness of your discernment, showing you exactly where you stand, and perhaps more importantly, where you need to go. They don’t just introduce you to the concept of dharma – they pull you into it, asking you to call upon the Dharma Protector for guidance. They push you to confront your confusion, and in the process, they awaken you to the deep truth that this journey is yours, not anyone else’s.

This is why boundaries and detachment are crucial in every relationship – most especially romantic ones. Romantic entanglements have a special way of tangling your essence into another’s. But here’s the thing: to honor someone’s path, you must protect not only your karma but theirs as well. We have to know when to speak, when to act, when to step in. And you know what? It’s not that often. In all relationships, knowing when NOT to act is an act of love.

You are not here to solve anyone’s storm, just as they are not here to solve yours. Their karma, like yours, has work to do. To reach this place of spiritual maturity – this clarity – you have to articulate your own journey. You must confront the rawness of your experience. Let ALL the emotions surface, let the images that haunt you rise to consciousness. Every fragment, every hidden scar, has to be released. That’s the work. It’s your work.

And let’s get real for a second. What do you think Buddha and Jesus were doing in the desert? Talking to bunnies?Absolutely not. They were confronting every shadow, every wound, every attachment, across all dimensions of time and space. They allowed their karma to surface, shake them, and break them wide open. Their so-called solitude was a meeting with their storms – storms that had nothing to do with other people. They faced their own inner chaos, their own deep-rooted karma.

And you, too, have a storm within you. It’s not someone else’s storm. It’s yours, deeply personal, forged by your soul’s journey, influenced by the cosmos and your past actions, thoughts, and intentions. It’s your fucking storm. And just as you must face yours, you must allow others to face theirs.

So here’s where boundaries become sacred. Protect other people’s storms. Let them rage, let them unfold, so that they can learn to navigate their own inner turmoil and find their own light. You can nudge, you can love, you can suggest, you can nurture – but you CANNOT reduce their power by commanding their storm. You cannot take their lessons from them. To do so is to rob them of their own evolution.

This is where the true meaning of devotion comes in. Be devotional not just to the people you love, but to their process. Be devoted to your own process, to your own expansion. Your light will grow as you respect the boundaries of their soul’s path. And as your light grows, it doesn’t just illuminate your journey – it spreads across the universe, helping others in ways you can’t even perceive.

You must learn to become more spacious, more expanded, more free. This is done through the deep inner work, the kind that requires confronting the darkest corners of your being. Embrace the brightest frequency within you – honor the purest, most untouched version of yourself, the part that can protect you without needing shields. As you honor your own purity, you learn to protect others toward their own expansion. You become a lighthouse in the storm, not a boat pulling them out before they’ve learned how to swim.

To get here, you must embrace every raw, unfiltered piece of your soul. Every failure, every joy, every wound. As you release it all, you give room for your true self to breathe and expand. This isn’t a process of becoming someone else – it’s about returning to the essence of who you are. That version of you that is pure light, pure frequency, pure divine energy.

Boundaries, detachment, and love are the tools. They are the methods through which you protect others and protect yourself. Without them, you bleed into others’ journeys, smudging the sacred lines of karma and keeping both them and you trapped in cycles that aren’t meant to be shared. You must honor those lines. When you act out of love and detachment, you are allowing their karma to be theirs, while staying aligned with your own path.

We are all tasked with carrying out this deep spiritual work, not just in solitude but in the context of our relationships – romantic, familial, and otherwise. Relationships are where karma plays out the loudest, where we are tested the most. But relationships are not about completion or saving anyone else. They are mirrors to your own process. They reflect where you’re at in your soul’s journey, showing you what still needs to be addressed within yourself.

You cannot hide behind the illusion that love means rescuing or fixing. Love means honoring boundaries, stepping back, and letting others be. It means loving with full awareness that their path is theirs alone. You can love deeply without getting entangled in their storm.

And if you want to become truly free, to experience divine grace, then devote every action, every thought, every intention as worship. Worship not in the religious sense but in the sense of reverence – for yourself, for others, for this incredible journey we’re all on. This is how you expand your light and become an anchor for the universe. This is how you align with the dharma, how you honor the deeper truths that guide you.

So the next time you find yourself wanting to intervene, wanting to save, stop. Pause. Ask yourself: am I protecting their karma by stepping back? Am I honoring their journey by letting them face their storm? Am I acting out of detached love, or am I acting from fear of losing them or being rejected?

True spiritual expansion comes from recognizing that every person’s storm is sacred. Let your own storm rage when it must. Let their storms rage too. Protect the boundaries, honor the storms, and from this place of deep knowing, watch as the universe opens itself to you. This is the sacred path.

Embrace the storm, honor the journey, and become the light.

The Pitfalls of Spiritual Candy

“Spiritual Candy comprises the content and practices that over-validate your temporary Self-identity, suspicions, assumptions, conspiracies, past times, and ego. Spiritual Candy keeps you distracted and running in place rather than fortified and moving valiantly toward Self-reliance. Spirituality is not about angels and aliens; it’s not about crystals and feeling great all the time. It’s about diving deeply into your Self to heal the root causes of your pain so you can merge with The Divine and unveil and empower your purest and most authentic Self.” ~ Paul Wagner

A while back, I coined the term “Spiritual Candy,” referring to content and practices that, instead of nourishing one’s spiritual journey, often serve to over-validate the temporary self-identity, reinforce suspicions, indulge assumptions, delve into conspiracies, dwell on past experiences, and bolster the ego. Spiritual Candy is enticing but superficial, offering fleeting satisfaction while diverting us from genuine spiritual growth.

We’ve all been there, right? We crave validation and encouragement. We see the glitter and light in a post and feel temporarily peaceful or nourished. While Spiritual Candy can feel good – even timely, it can become addictive and eventually work against us.

Truly, we are called to know and do the deeper work. 

Are you ready?

Understanding Spiritual Candy:

My definition of Spiritual Candy emphasizes the allure of quick fixes and surface-level routines and practices. It’s the spiritual equivalent of indulging in sugary snacks – enjoyable in the moment but lacking in long-term sustenance. You don’t want to be a Spiritual Diabetic, right? Of course not. 

In today’s age of readily available information and instant gratification, the appeal of Spiritual Candy can be particularly strong.

Everybody is hurting or broken, or at the very least, feeling sad or anxious for more than an hour daily. 

We all need healing, but healing must come from our solo journey within.

Signs When Spiritual Candy is Not Helpful:

Distracting from Inner Work: One of the primary signs that Spiritual Candy is not aiding your spiritual journey is when it consistently keeps you distracted from delving deeply into your inner Self. Your personal Spiritual Candy might involve scrolling through validating images or taking empowerment workshops that thrill your senses and ego, offering little meat on the bones.

True spiritual growth often involves confronting and healing the root causes of your pain, which requires introspection leading to a deep and confronting Self-awareness. 

If your spiritual pursuits focus solely on external phenomena or fleeting pleasures, they might lead you astray. 

Over time, we become drunk on the fermented treats of influencers’ candy and lose sight of the deeper journey and our purest Selves.

Reinforcing Ego and Assumptions: Spiritual Candy tends to reinforce rather than challenge your ego and assumptions. It might tell you what you want to hear, validating your preconceived beliefs and desires. 

Authentic spirituality encourages questioning and personal growth, while Spiritual Candy only serves to maintain the status quo.

Spiritual Candy might also provoke you to want more than you actually need and the things that might be toxic to you.

Promoting Superficial Practices: Practices associated with Spiritual Candy may involve quick rituals, materialistic pursuits, trendy workshops, obsessions with angels, or overemphasis on external symbols (such as crystals or astrology). 

While these can have their place in spiritual exploration, they become problematic when they overshadow or distract from the deeper, more profound work of Self-discovery and intimately merging with The Divine.

Perpetuating Negativity: Spiritual Candy may fuel an obsession with conspiracies, mistrust, and negativity rather than promoting a positive and transformative spiritual journey. This constant focus on negativity can be draining and counterproductive. 

You can see these folks running around in the world – suspicious of everything, blaming science, religion, politics, and more to be the reason for their plight in life. 

These sad souls do not look deeply at their obsessive fantasies. Instead, they see their lives as graphic spy novels that aim to uncover false truths and bet their lives on them. 

Alarmingly, they see everyone as out to get them and want you to believe the same.

Preventing Forward Progress: The most telling sign of Spiritual Candy is that it keeps you running in place rather than moving valiantly forward in your spiritual journey. 

Your favorite Spiritual Candy may provide temporary relief or excitement, but ultimately, it lacks the substance needed for genuine, lasting growth and peacefulness.

You got this! You are always in control of what you consume and how you think. You can confront your tendencies in this area, reshape how you perceive your life, and find new pathways to engage your reality fully. 

The True Essence of Spirituality:

Spirituality is not about seeking external validation, indulging in superficial pleasures, or escaping reality. Instead, it’s about going deep within ourselves, confronting our pain, and healing from the inside out. Authentic spirituality empowers us to unveil our most genuine selves, helping us evolve and grow meaningfully.

Recognizing and avoiding Spiritual Candy is crucial for those seeking genuine spiritual growth. By understanding the signs that it is not helpful—such as distraction from inner work, ego reinforcement, superficial practices, negativity, and a lack of forward progress—we can refocus our spiritual journey on what truly matters: self-discovery, healing to the core, and profound personal transformation. 

True spirituality transcends the allure of temporary pleasures and instead leads us on a profound journey toward Self-realization. 

The Top 12 things you can do right now to redirect your attention away from Spiritual Candy:

Redirecting your attention away from Spiritual Candy and toward more meaningful and authentic spiritual practices can greatly enhance your personal growth and well-being. 

Here are 12 things you can do right now to help you make that shift:

Prayer: Praying from your heart can help you awaken. If we can find our heart’s tears when praying, we magnify our vibrations and merge with The Divine. Pray with deep intent and earnestness, and God Will Meet You In Your Heart!

Chanting: When we chant in Sanskrit, we awaken our bodies to their highest vibrational potential and open doorways to the purest and most beneficial frequencies. 

Chant even the simplest mantras, and you will open your heart’s ability to heal you to your core. Om Lokaha Sumastaha Sukhino Bhavantu means May All The Beings In All The Worlds Be Happy. Chant this mantra to connect with the purest love in all the Cosmos.

Mindful Breathing: Take a few minutes to practice deep, mindful breathing. This simple technique can help ground you in the present moment and calm your mind. You can also do Breath of Fire or The Makaara to help awaken your Kundalini and soothe your soul.

Journaling: Grab a notebook and jot down your thoughts and feelings. Reflect on your spiritual journey, goals, and any distractions or patterns you’ve noticed related to Spiritual Candy.

Meditation: Engage in a short meditation session to center yourself. Focus on your breath or use a guided meditation to explore deeper aspects of your consciousness.

Forgiveness: One of the purest and most beneficial practices we can invite into our lives is forgiveness. When we forgive ourselves and others, we release pockets of energies and emotions that limit us. 

Use The Ho’Oponopono practice to forgive everything throughout your life, internally and externally. Imagine your Self or someone else and say this to them: I love you, I’m sorry, Forgive me, Thank you. Repeat this 100 times, and you will begin to unwind the pain that binds you to a challenging idea, aspect, sense of Self, or person.

Nature Walk: Spend some time in nature. Go for a walk in the park, sit by a tree, or simply observe the beauty around you. Nature has a way of reconnecting us to our inner selves.

Disconnect from Distractions: Turn off your phone, computer, and other electronic devices for a set period. This digital detox can help you escape the constant bombardment of superficial spiritual content.

Read a Thoughtful Book: Choose a spiritual or philosophical book that challenges your thinking and encourages deeper self-reflection. Engaging with meaningful literature can be a powerful way to redirect your focus.

Practice Gratitude: Take a moment to express gratitude for the present moment and the opportunities for spiritual growth. Gratitude can shift your perspective toward the positive aspects of your journey.

Engage in Inner Dialogue: Have an open and honest conversation with yourself. Ask questions about your spiritual goals and intentions, and be willing to listen to your inner voice.

Connect with a Mentor or Guide: Seek out a mentor, spiritual teacher, or counselor who can guide and support your authentic spiritual journey. Their insights can help you stay on track.

Create a Spiritual Routine: Establish a daily or weekly spiritual routine that includes practices like meditation, prayer, or Self-reflection. Consistency can help you maintain focus on meaningful growth.

Redirecting your attention away from Spiritual Candy is a process that takes time and effort. 

Be patient with yourself and allow space for personal growth, Self-love, chanting, praying, and deep exploration. By incorporating these practices into your life, you can cultivate a deeper and more authentic spiritual journey.

Truly, you are born from love and loved for all time!

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